Sparkle and Fade
by LauraLover
Summary: Bella is alone. After her fatal encounter with Laurent, she tries to cope with being by herself in a world she always imagined with a family. Traveling wherever her feet take her, she searches for a purpose and for the family that left her behind.
1. Please

I took one involuntary step back.

The fear that I should have initially felt after encountering Laurent alone in the meadow was starting to sink in.

His eyes…were a slight glowing red, not the brilliant amber they should have been.

The centers were almost completely black, but the red rims around the dark orbs were still apparent…which meant that his converted diet of animal blood, instead of human blood, had very recently been broken. This meant I was in a lot of trouble.

"I find Irina's lifestyle, challenging at times," He spoke softly taking a small step to the side. If I hadn't have been paying attention, I wouldn't have noticed the space between us was closing quickly. "Sometimes I cheat." His expression was unreadable. The harsh wind blew wildly around us, blocking out all other noise.

I laughed nervously, trying to keep the rising panic down. "Jasper had the same problem; he had a very hard time sticking to the C-Cullen's diet at times." I shrugged, still trying to keep the conversation light. My hands were locked to my sides; frozen in fists. I bit down on my tongue, willing myself not to scream. He continued to stare me down, willing me to make a run for it. It would be a short escape attempt either way – I was better off holding my ground and facing him head on.

Another well placed step in my direction sent me nearly into hysterics.

"Oh yes? Is that why they left you? I thought you had been some sort of pet of theirs."

I laughed humorlessly again, despite the hysteria in my chest. I suppose that I being their pet was what it looked like from outside eyes. Why else would a vampire spend as much time with a human? I was amusement. A distraction, for however short a period of time it had been. My stomach twisted in painful knots at the thought, and tears stung my eyes.

"I suppose Victoria won't be happy with what I'm about to do. But seeing as you weren't as important to the Cullens as it had seemed…I mean, for them to leave you unprotected like this..." He trailed off, shifting his stance down into a familiar crouch.

"N…no, please…" I begged. The tears I had been holding back now fell down my face freely. There would be no chance to get away and I had absolutely no chance of fighting him off.

Laurent paused for a brief second, his face held almost a reassuring smile. Almost.

"Look at it this way; you're lucky it was me who found you, instead of Victoria. She's very put out with your Edward, and her choice of your death would have been very drawn out. Revenge for her mate, you see. It will be short this way, I promise. I will drink, and then I will leave." His crouch deepened and suddenly he was airborne.

I've seen it in movies hundreds of times over, but I had never thought it would be like it in real life. Everything slowed to a mere crawl. Laurent crouched deeper, and then sprung into the air. In a blur he was suddenly at my side, his arm already on the back of my neck. His other arm grabbed around my middle and held me in an unbreakable iron grasp. He pulled my head back and I felt his cold breath on my neck.

'Short…I promise," He whispered, lowering his lips to my neck.


	2. A Choice to Make

At first, all I felt was a sharp pinch on my neck. But as his teeth broke the tender skin around my collar bone, all I felt was unbelievable pain. It was like a bear trap had snapped on my neck, like sharp daggers piercing my skin. I think I screamed…I think I was struggling against him…

Maybe I wasn't doing anything. There was pain, and that was all that was on my mind.

But then the pain gave way to a much more powerful all too familiar feeling. I was being burned. It felt the same as the fire that had been blazing through my body after James had bit me. It was paralyzing and excruciating, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was helpless; the only thing I could do is-

"Please!" I screamed, trying to slip from his arms but his hold was too tight.

My feet felt numb, like they had been submerged in ice cold water. I slumped slightly, pushing again against his arm. I may as well have been pushing a stone wall, he didn't budge. His hand pulled hard against my neck, trying to sink his teeth further into my neck. I screamed, feeling his teeth shred through muscle and bone. Didn't I know what it would be like? Didn't I know what I had asked of Edward? Wasn't this what I wanted? I tried to find the justification of wanting this…. to be torn apart and burnt from the inside out, but I couldn't find it. There was no prize at the end, no family, no Edward. This was it, the end.

My mind was starting to cloud over, in a strange foggy way. Amidst the pain, the numbness in my feet and legs, and the fire spreading from my neck to my shoulders, I saw the meadow flashing in black and white blurs. This would be the last thing I would ever see I suddenly realized. The last few gasped breathes I would take. I knew what was coming, what was pulling me in. I was slipping away, and it was becoming easier to do so. It was fitting that it would be here at the meadow. In some morbid sense of justice, that this is the place I would die. After all, it was here in this very spot I had truly come alive.

I felt Laurent pull away, his arms still around my middle. He released my neck from his other hand I felt somewhat aware of my body slumping forward to the ground.

"I am sorry" He said, which a panicked edge to his voice, and he released me and I fell to the ground. I hit the ground face first, feeling the tall grass from the meadow reach up to cushion my fall. I saw the grass blow slightly in the wind. I could smell the semi-sweet aroma of the forest mixed with a nauseating salty blood smell.

And then there was nothing but black.

The pain was gone. I couldn't feel it, not the burning from Laurent's venom, not the serrated rip along my throat. I felt nothing…but peace. Blackness was pulling me under, and I was letting it. It was like falling asleep - almost relieving, and I welcomed it. The comforting darkness caught me like a cushion or a soft wave and gently lulled me down to a place where there was no pain. Laurent, hurt, everything, it was gone and it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I slipped a little further under the overwhelming blackness and lose myself in it. There were no flashes of my life flashing before my eyes, no memories replayed of everything I had been through – who would want that? The blackness engulfed me and swallowed me whole. Everything else was gone. There was nothing after this. No eternity, no life, no Edward.

It was like a sudden burst of light broke out through the impending darkness.

For Edward…

I didn't _have_ to die…

A life as a vampire…a life alone perhaps, but with the opportunity to live on and see things…do things. This didn't have to be the end.

So Edward didn't want me, could I live with that? I wasn't sure, but I could try. I would try to 'live' for him. I would find a reason, a purpose, and maybe one day he would want me again, when I had become a person equal to what he desired.

For Edward, I would be willing to live.

I latched onto this beam of light, and desperately tried to use it to pull me above the blackness. It was much harder to pull myself up through the crashing waves then gently fall through. I was searching blindly, feeling out around myself, hoping to latch onto something. As time passed and I continued to reach, I did my best to stay afloat the comforting waves that tried to lure me back down.

I knew where I was, I could almost feel my body, but I couldn't find it. I rose through the black waves around me until I could taste the sweet air of the meadow. I started to push through the black. I emerged from the surface of the crushing oblivion and let out one gasped breathe. My eyes flew open.

There was no pain…how was that? The burning was gone, as was the pain from my neck. I felt _no_ pain, I felt nothing…and yet, I felt _everything_.

Imagine trying to take in a thousand different things at once, but it's not sure which to focus on at first. Everything was so clear, and in such perfect definition….it was disorienting. A small breeze blew the tall grass around me, and I saw each blade bend willingly and beautifully. I could have easily taken the time and counted each blade. I saw the limbs of the trees bend meticulously into each other, their crackling limbs sounded oddly amplified, as if they were perched right next to me instead of across the large field. Animals ran through the trees and through the fields I would have never seen with my poor weak human sight. The Cullens had always said humans were practically blind compared to vampires – I now understood.

And the smells! A thousand different scents weaving in an out like one gloriously crafted perfume. Sweet grasses and late spring flowers. Animal musk of all different kinds. The chalky smell of dirt, the aged smell of the trees. The scent of the forest was intoxicatingly beautiful.

The sky was different than when I had first entered the field. It had been noon and cloudy. It was now daybreak. The sun was peaking over the east horizon sending orange and pink streaks into the slightly cloudy sky. A day later, maybe two…I had been completely unconscious for the transformation. The part I had feared most was now over - I nearly laughed!

The sun grew higher in the sky, immersing the field in its bright light. I held out my arms, enjoying the warm heat from the sun, and I marveled at the rainbows beaming off my arms. My arms felt longer and stronger, and oddly stiff. The soft flesh that had once run along my arm was now taut and hard, like stone. A living statue: perfect forever. My hand fell to my chest as I realized that no heart beat lay within. I felt emptier and airier without the steady pounding within my chest.

A sudden warm breeze blew across my face and I inhaled the most amazing sweet smell. It was like nothing I had ever smelled before. Delicious in every sense of the word. It seemed sweet, like some sort of candy concoction with an underlying pine scent. My throat suddenly felt scorching dry. Venom pooled in my mouth and without thinking I ran. I ran towards the sweet aroma, my feet barely hitting the ground. I didn't notice the way it felt to run, I wasn't even awed at the terrific speed I was running – I just wanted to quench the burn.

Blood - human blood. It was close. I felt myself being taken over. The true vampire in me was out, dominating the reason and conscious I would otherwise have had. I didn't care who it was, I didn't care about what it could cost me, I didn't care about anything. I _wanted_ their blood. I stopped on the edge of the small tree covered hill and looked down to see the source of the scent. A tall woman with long blonde hair walked carefully over the narrow stony path. She wore a weather safe jacket and normal hiking boots. Glancing at the beautiful spring settings of the forest, she seemed at ease. She was enjoying herself.

And she had absolutely no idea the danger she was in.


	3. The Woman I Killed

The blonde hair whipped up around the woman's head like a fan as her body hit the ground. She still had the same shocked expression on her face when she had first seen me flying towards her, teeth bared. She hadn't made a noise, no screaming, nothing.

I stepped back from the body. Horrified…mixed with the sweet sensation of satisfaction; my throat no longer burned with the scorching lust for the woman's blood. That horrified me even more.

I killed a woman; a perfect stranger. And part of me liked it.

I knelt by the woman's side and reached out to touch her cheek. Her soft skin was still warm, but it felt oddly stiff under my rock fingers. Her brown eyes were still open, gazing ahead into the woods. Seeing and unseeing.

She was probably 26 or 27. She still had a whole life ahead of her. She probably had a boyfriend, maybe even a husband. She probably had a job – a job she had worked hard for. Maybe she had started at the bottom, working through the grueling hours of a 9-5 position just to get to where she was then. She had friends. They probably went out every Friday night, either out to eat or to grab a movie. Maybe she had a daughter. She probably lived a happy life, with her husband, friends and daughter, and was looking forward to the afternoon walk she had planned. It was just a short escape, a time to think about her life; the life that was still ahead of her.

I had taken that from her.

I reached up and closed the lids over the large brown eyes and stood.

Never again. Never again would I be tempted. Even now, blood pooled at my feet, the scent while still tempting held none of its original power. Whenever I was within reach of humans I would see her face. I would see 26-27 year old blonde, with the perfectly happy life. The woman I had killed. I would see her and I would forget the burn in my throat and I would be able to turn away.

I left her where she would be found easily. The least I could do was to ensure her a proper burial, one where her loved ones could say their goodbyes. Her death would be made no more than another brutal animal attack. Maybe I would leave an anonymous call at the police station. I covered the blood covered stone path with dirt. I knew the next rain would wash all traces of the blood away.

I ripped off the remnants of my torn bloodied jacket and threw it in the small winding river and I started my run toward Forks.

Charlie would be at work, or so I hoped. I had no idea how long I had been half dead in the field. Days…weeks? No, not weeks. Surely someone would have found me lying motionless in the field.

I wouldn't be able to say goodbye, that much I was sure of. I would take enough clothes and belongings that it wouldn't be noticeable. I would have to empty my bank account, which would look suspicious, but with no other means of living besides off the land, what else could I do? I would empty it in town so as to give no reason for anyone to look for me. I'd leave my truck at the opening to the forest; someone would find it and report it. Maybe my disappearance would become nothing but a mystery. Did she run away, or was she killed? Kidnap rumors would run rampant at school, but soon it would become nothing but whispers. Bella Swan, the amazing disappearing girl.

I got to the edge of town within minutes and to my house even faster. The cruiser was gone from the driveway, so either Charlie was at work or searching. Searching for his lost daughter.

God…Charlie. I would miss him. Renee, Jessica, Angela, Mike. All of the faces from my human life. Friends and family I was forced to leave behind.

Everything seemed so strange, so backward. With Edwards as my future, and the Cullens as my family, this life had seemed like it would be fulfilling enough that I would never have to think about what I was giving up.

With no knight in shining armor here to save me and no family to become apart of, the realization of what I had to do pierced my unmoving heart like a knife.

My room was how I had left it. I grabbed the new blue backpack I had yet to use and started to fill it. Jeans, my favorite shirts, another pair of shoes, sunglasses, and other essentials. It fit nicely, and there was room enough to fit in one or two remembrances of this life. I grabbed my CD player and the small case of CDs. I grabbed a photo of Renee, and the only one I had of Charlie.

I stopped in the bathroom, wondering what exactly a vampire needed hygiene-wise when I saw her.

She stood about my height, with dark chestnut waving hair that fell to her back. Her face was impeccably shaped, like a perfect heart, with a startling pale and beautiful complexion. She had full red lips and a beautifully shaped nose. Whoever she was, she was breathtakingly beautiful.

I blinked and the woman followed suit. A shocked expression fell across her face, at the same moment I realized who was looking back at me from the mirror, and as I realized the reason behind the menacing red eyes.

The front door downstairs clicked and I instinctively stopped breathing. I heard Charlie enter the front door, his footfalls shuffling uncharacteristically on the wooden floor. I heard the metal thud as he dropped his gun and belt on the floor. On the floor? That was odd; he dutifully hung his gun on the hook by the door whenever he came home. The footsteps sounded through the kitchen where I heard an exasperated sigh and the retreating steps back to the living room. He fell unceremoniously into his favorite chair and I waited for his breaths to become shallow and even before daring to go downstairs.

He seemed unkempt, to say the least. Large bags sagged under each eye and his clothes had the scruffy appearance of having been lived in for several days.

Guilt coursed through me as I realized this was probably the first rest he had gotten in…who knows long. How long had I been gone?

I took one cautious breath, remaining a good 10 feet away from his sleeping form. The scent hit the back of my throat, and the scorching started again. Like I had promised myself though, I controlled it. I took another deep breath, getting used to the torture. After several minutes, the ache dulled slightly, but not enough that I trusted myself to be closer than the 10 feet away I was.

"Dad," I whispered, scarcely loud enough for faint human ears to hear, but not loud enough to wake him from his slumber. "I love you Dad. I love you more than anything. Moving here was the best decision I ever made. I got to know you again." The separation that was coming made it easier to speak my mind. I had never been so open with him, even if he had been passed out asleep when I was human. But at this moment, I needed him to know.

"I'm going to be alright. Trust me. I'm a survivor, just like you. I'm sorry I put you through this; I hope you can forgive me. Be happy Dad. I chose this, in a way. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do, but I'm going to be alright."

I took a cautious step toward the chair, and then another. As carefully as I could, I placed my hand on his. "I love you Dad." The distressed expression smoothed over, and it seemed like he fell into a more restful sleep.

And with that I ran out the back door of the home I could never again return to.


	4. A Place to Stay

As soon as my feet hit the forest floor I ran and I didn't stop. I crossed the forest, and followed a slow flowing stream. I crossed highways and ran around towns. I ran for days. I didn't know where I was heading and I didn't care. All that mattered was I ran one more mile away from Forks. All that mattered was the speed, and how quickly the distance seemed to grow. All that mattered was that each of those miles distanced me from the life I couldn't return to.

I stopped on the outskirts of a Canadian city. I had tried to test myself, see how long I could endure the scorching at the back of my throat. I had tried my hand at hunting and managed to swiftly catch a small doe at the expense of my t-shirt, but that had been 4 days ago. Before I crossed over into the city limits, I wanted to make sure I was as safe as possible.

I set my backpack down on the large sitting rock and took off the black jacket I had put on. It seemed to be habit that I still did such things. Why I wore a jacket, or even shoes at all. They clothing I wore definitely shown with the ragged wear they had endured on the long trek north.

I cautiously let my instincts start to take over. I sniffed the air, searching for a pleasuring scent. Something that would be fulfilling enough to hold me over for a few days. A sweet aromatic scent hit me and I followed it. It wasn't human, but it didn't have the same scent as the doe had had. It resembled a human's delicious aroma, but it seemed duller, fainter. The scent belonged to a mountain lion. I saw it now, a mile away. It was sitting in the branch of an old twisted tree. I advanced quickly and pounced before the creature had even turned its head. It let out startled yelp as I twisted and broke it's neck. It seemed easier this way. I drank my fill and turned guiltily away from the lion's corpse.

It had been a large lion. Compared to the unsatisfying deer, I now realized why Edward had preferred the size and the taste.

_Edward_.

The past few days I had tried my hardest to think about Edward. The hole that formed each time I thought about him or the Cullens when I had been human hit me…but with the power of 100 plus times. I experienced emotions differently now. Each was more extreme and powerful, which nearly made this unbearable. I clutched at my sides, still trying to hold the two fragments of myself together.

One half of me wanted to search for him. I could comb the globe forever if that's how long it took. I was strong enough that if I found him, I could stay by his side. I would follow him, wherever he went, and let him have whatever distractions he needed until he was ready for me. And I would be there with arms wide open.

The other half of me knew what he really wanted: to be free from me. He had cared for me for a short while, but he hadn't wanted me enough to change me and be with me forever. Even now, strong and beautiful, just as I knew I would be, I was still me. The incessant lust for blood that I was told would rule my life for years had been dealt with. I still carried the same humane worries and fears, except amplified. Whether this was because I was such a young vampire or just the norm of all vampires I wasn't sure, but each feeling filled my every pore and would take over.

I shook in tearless sobs as I ran back to where I had left my backpack.

I knew I would have to move past this, for now at least. An emotional-rollercoaster-vampire coming into contact with humans for the first time since her transformation didn't seem like the best idea. I sat next to my backpack on the rock to help calm myself.

Deep breaths, while essentially unnecessary, seemed to help. I sat on the rock, breathing through my lifeless lungs for an hour. Each lungful assisted in helping me pull myself into a safe state of mind. As safe as possible, at least.

The rumbling sky finally spilled over and it started to rain as I entered the city limits. The town was small, not much larger than Forks. It had a very quaint feel to it. Main Street wasn't hard to find. It consisted of a small grocery stop, a pharmacy, several small businesses and a gas station. A small inn at the turnpike by the highway and a charming diner were the last businesses before a long stretch of road that ran off into the northern woods.

I still was very unsure of what exactly to do. Did nomadic vampires stay at motels? Instead of wandering aimlessly for the next thousand years, maybe I should find a place to think. A place to plan what I would do next. At the very least, maybe find a place to get out of the torrential down pour that was brewing.

The inn had a woods and small animal theme. A small bell jingled merrily as I opened the heavy windowed door, adjusting my sunglasses for the thousandth time. The decorations were cute to the point of irritating. The counter to check in had a collection of small animal figurines assembled on one side.

I knew what to expect when I opened the door, so I had purposefully held my breath as I entered. I tried taking small breaths and then smiled at the older woman behind the counter.

"Oh my goodness, you'd soaked right through!" She exclaimed, setting the pile of papers she had been sorting onto the counter. She had a friendly wide face with very pink cheeks. Small reading glasses rested tediously on the edge of her nose as she looked at me over them. She had the typical look of sweet grandmother, which was interesting because _sweet_ was exactly what she smelled like…

Stop! I told myself, making myself stop breathing and walking quickly too the counter. A little too quickly though. She stared at me for a small moment, taken aback.

"I'd like a room please," I said. My mouth almost fell open as I heard my voice. I had yet to speak aloud during my week trek. It had a very exotic ring to it, and was thick and rich like honey. "Do you have any rooms available at the moment?" The words sounded attractive as I said them.

The woman gaped at me for a moment, staring blankly at my large sunglasses before turning to a small booklet.

"It's the off season for this side of the county, so almost every room is open." She said pulling the booklet in front of me for further proof that only one of the rooms was actually occupied.

"Could I have a room at the far side of the building?" I asked. "The other entrance is closer to where I parked." My vampire voice made the words glaze over the stuttered lie I came up with. She smiled a little, although her eyes narrowed, but then she nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The sweet grandmother smell hit me again. I crushed my hands to my side, keeping my mind on how much this woman reminded me of one of my own grandmothers. It seemed to work a little, the desire to jump at her right this second froze in my mind and I relaxed.

"Right now, the Lavender room is open."

"That sounders perfect, how much is it?"

"It's $115 a night, which includes a complimentary breakfast!"

I smile wryly to myself. The only breakfast she could provide to me was herself. My hand had frozen halfway to my pocket, but I pulled it out reluctantly. "I'd like just one night, please." Luckily, the bit I had saved for my college career had reached the $4500 mark, which would hold me over for quite awhile, seeing as I didn't have to pay for food.

"Can I see your ID please?" She asked reaching her hand out.

I almost obeyed and pulled out the small plastic card from my wallet, but I stopped. First off, a barley legal US citizen, arriving in dirty torn clothing to a Canadian inn in the middle of nowhere seemed just a tad bit suspicious. If by some chance a missing person notice had been this far up, would she recognize the name? If Charlie heard even a rumor that I was in Canada, I don't think there would be a way to stop him from looking. I couldn't let him waste his life trying to find me.

The woman noticed my hesitation. "Is there a problem?"

I never could lie, especially about something as important as this, so I couldn't come up with an excuse as to why I would be traveling without a license. I'd have to learn that useful skill eventually, but this seemed like the wrong time to try and exercise it. I thought of all the times Edward used his dazzling persona to charm people; I tried laying on the same thick honey voice. "Is there a way I could rent the room without using my ID?" I smiled a winning smile and she caught her breathe. There was a slight pause before she continued.

"Sweetheart…I noticed the torn clothing, and the fact that you didn't arrive in a car. Now just tell me, are you in any sort of trouble?"

She caught on faster than I had hoped. My quick mind went into sudden overdrive as I thought of the different scenarios that could play out. One, I could tell her the truth. I'm a young vampire running away from home searching for the man and the family that didn't want me, and even though I don't sleep at all, I thought renting a room would be a good way to concentrate and decide what I want to do with the rest of my endless life. By the way, you smell delicious.

The chances of her refraining from running and screaming from the room were small. Okay, next plan.

Two, I could bite her. Three, I could walk out right now, and let her think whatever she wanted. Although there was also a chance she could report my strange visit to her inn, out of worry about a teenage runaway. Once again, a way to make Charlie think that I was here didn't seem like a good idea. Four, I could bite her.

The vampire in me loved options two and four.

Barley a second had passed, before I decided what I would do.

"I'm not in trouble, and I won't cause you any. I will pay in cash and I'll leave first thing in the morning." I tried to use the same honey sweet voice, but added another dose of helplessness. Her face softened a little as I continued. "I just want a place to stay just for one night. I can pay extra if you'd like me to."

The woman paused after my small speech, her face a little flushed. I ignored the wonderful pools of blood so apparent on her cheeks, and focused on her motherly grey eyes. They seemed to stare me down, as if trying to decide whether I truly meant my words.

"Legally, I can't." She said, folding both hands over the counter, her face still softened by my touching account.

I had really been looking forward to a shower and a place to change my clothes. The thought of going through the same ordeal just to try and rent a room seemed tiresome. My face fell, and I nodded. "I understand." I picked up my backpack and turned to leave. The sky outside was dark, and the street lamps near the highway were turning on. I guess more aimless wandering was what I would have to do. As I reached for the door, I heard the woman's gentle voice call out.

"I have a guest room at my house if you'd like to stay. It's not much, but it's a place to rest and it has a bathroom."

I turned slowly, holding back the urge to scream, 'yes oh thank you' like I wanted. I smiled timidly and nodded my head. "I would be very grateful."

She smiled again, walking around the counter with her bag and coat. Her small wrinkled hand clutched at the cross around her throat. "If I wasn't able to help a weary traveler, what good would I be?" She seemed to be talking more to herself than to me. "My house is up the road a little ways." I opened the door for her and she turned to lock up. Her thin grey hair ruffled as she turned which sent a concentrated dose of the sweet smell into my face.

"It's just a little house, but it's warm. I hope you're comfortable."

The idea of staying at a stranger's home would have scared me, but now, I was more nervous as to how much danger I was putting her in. The blonde woman's face surfaced in my mind and my whole self filled with guilt. If I felt this much guilt over what I had done to a stranger, how would I feel if I were to hurt someone who had been kind to me? These words tortured me for a few seconds, and I was almost ready to run, when she turned again and reached out her hand.

"My name is Anne."


	5. Anne

Anne lived in a white two story house on the very end of the most picturesque dirt road I have ever seen. It had blue shutters and a covered porch littered with cats. She had thought it odd that they all scattered as we walked closer to the house. I just laughed and followed her in the crystal French doors.

She was very kind, very selfless. I was right in thinking her a very grandmotherly figure. She had shown me the room I was to stay, offered to let me freshen up then offered hot cocoa in front of the fire. I agreed graciously and set at once to taking a shower.

I turned the water to my normal shower temperature, but recoiled as the hot water hit my skin. I'd have to get used to doing everything at lower temperatures. I felt brand new after I was done. Like a new person, I though a little bitterly. I toweled off, and as I was leaving the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had to turn back and marvel.

It still didn't seem real. The flawless milky skin, the toned arms and stomach. The lips were large and red, and my cheeks were still flushed pink after the hunt this morning. I noticed my eyes for the first time since my hunt. They were a bizarre mix of the golden brown and the menacing red. It was strange to look at. I dressed in my cotton shorts and a t-shirt. The outfit was a little cool for this early in the spring, but Anne had been very good at not asking too many questions. I worried that was soon to change as I set down the wooden stairs to the living room.

The living room was packed with baubles from all over. An array of house plants hung in front of the lace curtained windows, and crocheted blankets appeared on every surface. Several mismatched chairs were circled around the room; two comfortable-looking seats were pulled in front of the fire. Anne occupied one. As I entered the room, she smiled and beckoned me into the mirrored seat.

A steaming mug of chocolate was waiting for me. I wasn't sure how exactly to go about drinking the cocoa. Edward (I inadvertently flinched thinking the name) had proven that vampires could eat human food. But from what Carlisle had told me, we had no working digestive system that could handle human food. On top of everything else, the cocoa smelled about as appealing as chalk.

I didn't want to seem rude, after all of her generosity. I took one long drink from the fragile looking glass and nearly blanched. Chalk. I tasted just like wet chalk to my altered taste buds.

I smiled at her and leaned back in the chair. It was a comfortable silence. I felt at ease. After being in the house for the little while I had, even the sweet smell had faded a little. My throat ached longingly, but it wasn't uncontrollable. Besides, I would be leaving in the morning.

"You have a beautiful house." I said quietly. I curled up in the chair and pulled a blanket on my lap. It was hard trying to remember the little human things that others would expect. I noticed I didn't blink enough. I also noticed that I would sit motionless, which made her seem a little wary. I threw one arm over the arm of the chair and turned a little to face her.

"Thank you. It was my wedding present from my husband, Michael."

I sniffed the air once. From what I could tell, there were no other humans in this house. One smell (besides the thousand cat scents) was in every room of this house. I looked at her a little puzzled. "You're married?"

She nodded and pulled her hand out from beneath the blanket on her lap. On her second finger was a beautiful gold and diamond ring. She held it closer for me to see. Even from across the small space though, I could make out every facet in the dazzling heart shaped diamond. "Married 25 years. I was twenty when I met Michael. He proposed when we had been dating only 6 months, although I would have said yes the day we met."

My chest seemed to freeze up a little. She was going to tell me a story. A love story at that. The little fragments at the hole on my chest festered a little, but I remained smiling and nodded for her to continue.

"Oh, he was the most handsome man I'd ever met; tall, strong. He had the thickest head of hair I'd ever seen!" She exclaimed, laughing a little. "The day we met, I felt like a piece of me had been found. The two of us fit together so completely, so fully…like coming home. We got along like an old married couple, already. I made him smile, and he made me laugh. We opened the inn together eight years later. The only time we argued was over what to call that darn inn" She laughed again. "He wanted to name it after me, The Anne Inn. I insisted on the Northern Woods Inn. In the end, we both settled on another name completely."

She stood and pulled a picture of the mantle. There in front of the white two story house we were currently in, stood a pretty young woman with curly hair wearing a light colored dress and a smile. Her arms were around a tall man with dark hair and a thin face. He was laughing a little in the picture, the light mood reflecting in his eyes. "He looks very kind." I said, holding the frame out for her to take, but she folded her hands in her lap and looked at the fire. I held the picture frame in my lap. Why was her happiness so hard for me to hear? Even now, holding the picture, it felt like a grim remembrance of what I had once had.

"Every morning he would out down the lane for walk, and every day he would return with a white lily and put it in a vase on the table for me. So when I came down, I instantly knew he was thinking of me. Even after the first 20 years, everyday was like the first day we met. He loved me so completely, and I him."

If they were so in love, where was he now? If he truly and completely loved her, why wasn't he here at the fire, telling stories about her as a young bride?

"The day he came home from his walk without a lily, I knew something was wrong. He had walked straight back up to bed and laid there for the entire day. The next morning he was too sick to even get out of bed. The doctor came and went several times, but not even he could tell what was wrong. After weeks and weeks of tests at specialty clinics, I finally learned what was killing my husband: leukemia.

Medicine back then was so testy. Nothing developed to even help fight leukemia until 10 years after he was taken from me. The doctors recommended special diets, and supplements that could help, and in the end, they helped him last for 2 years. Each day, he'd get a little weaker, a little frailer. The only peace he seemed to have peace was at night, as the sun was setting. We'd sit out on the front porch and watch the clouds explode in color until it was nothing but a dark starry sky."

Small tears fell down her wrinkled cheeks as she stared past the fire. I turned my head away. It seemed so private, why would she be telling me this?

"He died in bed in my arms. He held my hand until his very last breath. I still remember it, like he was falling asleep. He just breathed out…and he was gone.

For months I couldn't do anything. The inn closed down, the house went to shambles. The only thing I did each day was dress in one of his shirts and walk down the lane and back. I'd sit and stare. The heart dies a slow death. It falls apart like petals from a flower, until there's nothing left."

The pain of her story was slowly ripping the hole in my chest apart. I was broken all over again. For so much pain for someone to go through, it didn't make sense for either of us to be there. We had loved and we had been loved, so where was the justice in having our hearts ripped from us. I clutched my arms around my chest, trying to contain all the pieces from bursting out.

"How did you survive?"

She looked at me and reached out to touch my cheek. Her sudden movement surprised me, but I remained motionless. Her soft hand was warm on my frozen skin.

"The same way you will - one awful day at a time. Sometimes, people that hurt so deeply run. They run away from their past, from the hurt. You can sit and stare, and wonder what you did wrong; what you did to deserve losing everything you loved most. Or you can pick yourself up and learn to live on day at a time for them. You can make your feet move, make your heart beat, because you do it for them. It gets easier, this living thing. The pain never goes away, but you learn to carry it differently, because in the end, that's what they'd want you to do: live."

We sat in silence for another hour, feeding off each other's company. I had been sent here by fate, I decided. Anne was the person I was supposed to meet to help me decide what I needed to do. As she stood up and folded the blanket, I stood as well. She smiled at me, and opened her arms as if expecting what I had wanted. I hugged her gently, but fully. Her sweet smell filled my nose, but instead of the scorching burn at the back of my throat, I felt comforted. Her hand smoothed down the hair on the back of my head and then she pulled away gently.

She smiled one last time and went upstairs to her room. I heard the creaking of her bed as she lay down, and soon her heartbeats were even and steady.

Anne had survived. It was possible to live through what I had been through. Edward didn't want me, but I wanted him. I wanted him to be happy and he wanted me to live. I could do that. I could live out the rest of eternity for him. I would keep my feet moving, my heart beating (figuratively) and know that this is what he would have wanted me to do.

I opened the front doors and walked out on the porch. I went down the steps and followed the lane. I walked the steps that Michael and Anne had walked. I saw the things they had seen. Each smell, strong and potent with my clear senses, meant something. The lane was long, so at the slow human pace I was at, it took me 30 minutes to get to the end of it. There, at the corner of the dirt road and the main street it turned off of was a large brown and twisted plant. In the very center of the dead plant stood a fresh lily; still closed. I plucked it at the base and held it carefully as to not bend it. My cool skin kept the flower fresh as I headed back to the house.

At the very center of her circular table sat a crystal vase. I filled it partially with water and placed the flower inside. By morning it had bloomed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

Hey guys, I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I like what I'm seeing as far as Hits go – yay readers! I'd love to get some feedback. Please leave a review, it will make my day.


	6. Goodbye

The next morning, Anne offered to let me stay that night as well. I accepted. The day after that, she again offered me the room to stay in. I accepted.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks rolled into months. Months became two years.

She didn't ask questions. She didn't ask why I only drank cocoa at night (unbeknownst, I would have to choke it up after each of our meetings in front of the fire) and no other food. She didn't ask where I came from or my past. She knew enough. I had told her stories about my father, my harebrained mother and the few stories I could tell about my friends. She would listen and she would smile, and simply add "They sound like lovely people."

For two years I stayed in the small room at the top of the stairs. I would go there at night, and I would lie on the bed, listening to a CD or two. Read a book. I would think about what I would do when I decided to leave Anne's house. I would think about the places I would see.

But I never thought about _him._

In the morning I would hunt. This part of Northern Canada was abundant in elk, moose and deer. I became a better hunter, and soon no signs of my dinner appeared on my clothing in the morning when I returned to the house at the end of the dirt lane. Anne would welcome me with a smile as I entered the back door, always a white lily in my hand. She would smile wider and refill the crystal vase. But never, not once, would she ask where I had been.

She was smart, so she knew I was different. I couldn't hide certain aspects of what I was. I often broke dishes by holding them a little too hard, and there were many situations where a normal teenage girl would be hurt, but I wasn't.

During sunny days, I would leave. She wouldn't see me until night had fallen. Sparkly skin, while as fascinating I'm sure she would find it, would probably push her over the edge.

Not to mention the fact I never changed. I was the same exact face that had appeared at the inn two years prior, while each day her face was a little older, each day her back would bend a little more. She was getting older, and I never would.

The days went on, like Anne had said so long ago. I lived each day with a purpose. I worked at the inn with Anne, when she needed the help. She was fair, she paid me far more than I deserved. In exchange for her generosity, I helped out around the house. I cleaned and washed and gardened. The cats had resorted to living in the barn at the back of the property, so I would feed them each morning, laughing as they scattered at my arrival.

More than I'd like to admit, I needed Anne. I loved her like a daughter loved her mother, and she loved me. She had no one else, and as those days passed and she grew older, I knew I couldn't leave her.

One night, as we sat in front of the fire, she surprised me with a sudden fervent conversation.

"Do you remember the first night you came here?" She asked, her old tired eyes twinkling a little, but her face was uncharacteristically drawn into a frown. I nodded, frowning a little.

"Remember when I told you of the choice you had to make?"

Of course I remembered. My keen vampire mind held ever detail of that day, down to what each of us was wearing.

"You told me I had a choice between what path I could go down. Whether it be running from what was haunting me, or if I wanted to continue on living my life." I answered. Where could she be going with this?

"Dear, what I didn't see was a third option. A third option that you have chosen."

I was confused. Hadn't I done what she had said? I lived each day; I didn't crawl into myself like I had done back in Forks. I talked, and laughed. I was a little strange to her, I understood, but I did everything I could to seem like a normal teenage girl. What third option?

"I live here," she started, taking my hand in hers and staring intently into my face, "Because this is where I am meant to be. This is my home. I opened it up to you, because I could see the pain in your eyes all those years ago. I thought a safe harbor would be a good place for you to decide what you wanted. What I didn't want you to do was turn this house into your fortress.

Bella, I love you. You know I would never say these things unless I did. But you can't hide here anymore. You're smart, and strong, and young enough to be able to take anything head on. But you turned this house, this life, into your own personal hiding spot. While it may seem like living, it's not. You're waiting it out; hoping the rest of the world can pass you by. It can and it will. I'm too old to care too much about what's going on past the perimeters of this town, but you have so much you haven't seen, so much you have yet to do. I can't let the fact you feel guilty about leaving me keep you from living your life.

What I wanted to tell her was the amount of time I actually had. I had forever. I could spend years at this house, and the world would still be as new to me as it would be now. I could travel for hundreds of years. But what I wanted right now was to stay here with her.

"I never tell you much about what I am and where I came from," I said slowly. She wouldn't jump to conclusions about anything I said, so I felt safe continuing. "I can see what you mean, don't get me wrong. But what you don't understand is that this is what I need right now: an escape. And yes, I need you. You've taught me more than any teacher has ever taught me. You taught me how to love myself even when I couldn't bear to look too closely at myself, in fear of what I would see. Yes, I stay here for you, but I'm also staying here for myself."

She sat looking at me for the longest time, her eyes staring intently into my eyes.

"There will come a day, when you will have to leave." She said, trying to communicate completely what she meant. "What will you do?"

I had spent the past two years asking myself this. When I left, what would happen? Would I fall into the same spiraling depression? Would I run like I had when I had ended up here? Or would I be as strong as I felt now?

"I'll live each day for someone I love. I'll make my feet move, my heart beat." I said holding her hand very gently, but I gave it a little loving squeeze. "I'll live each day like you would want me to."

Three days later, she found her way to set me free. I returned home after my morning hunt to a disturbingly quiet house. No swishing little footsteps of socked feet, no merry whistling.

No heartbeats.

I was up the stairs in two seconds to her room. There, slumped over the side of the bed was Anne. Her hands grasped together, as if she had been praying. There was the same faint smile she always wore, but her eyes were cold and empty.

My chest felt like it had been ripped open, an entirely new whole ripping in my chest. I ran to her side and hugged her tightly, shaking in tearless sobs. She was as cold as I was. I turned her over and held her in my arms, and let out a loud scream.

Anne has always hated black. She said it was empty. But that was how I felt, so I thought it the perfect color to wear. My dress was cap sleeved and lined in small black lace, and fell to my knee. I wore simple black flats with my hair curly, just the way she liked it.

The funeral was small, just the townsfolk that her knew her best. I sat in place of her family. Everyone knew the story of her taking in a supposed long lost niece, and they had seen me working at the inn and running errands, but that didn't keep them from eyeing me strangely the entire service. As the pastor said his final words, and they lowered Anne into the ground, her casket covered in white lilies, everyone made their way up to shake my hand.

As the last guest had left the cemetery, one man remained behind. He held a briefcase in his hand and wore a black suit. As I walked back to Anne's Sable parked at the edge of the grass, he followed me, stopping when we reached the car.

"I understand you are Anne Roberts's niece?" He asked, his eyes staring appreciatively at my face. He licked his lips once and continued. "Let me extend my dearest condolences. Anne was a wonderful woman. I've known her for several years, and am very sad to see her depart from us."

The lines, while they sounded friendly, also sounded rehearsed. They had probably been used hundreds of times.

"My name is John Ford; I was your aunt's lawyer. Could you meet me back at my office in town? There's some last minute paperwork that we need to settle, although if you would like time to be alone, we can meet again next week."

More time alone to think about all that I had lost. No, thank you.

"No, I'll meet with you now. I'll follow you over." I said, unlocking my car. He drove an exceptionally junky car for being a lawyer, although I supposed that being in such a small town, you didn't get a lot of business.

His office was on the opposite side of town – the side I usually never went to. The outside of the building wasn't all that bad, just a plain brown brick single story. The interior had a very clean, doctor's office smell. There was a moveable partition that separated the waiting room from the receptionists desk, and behind that, there was a door which held another large desk and several stiff looking chairs.

He led me into the back room past a blonde woman at the receptionist's desk who scrutinized me with unkind eyes. He offered me a chair, which I took and then went to sit behind his desk. He opened the suitcase he had with him and pulled out several folders. Out of the first folder he slipped a single piece of official looking paper.

"As you may know, your aunt had a substantial amount of money at the time of her death." These words caught me off guard. She did? Money was not a subject we usually talked about, but not once had she mentioned having a 'substantial amount'. "Not to mention a large acreage of land, the inn and the car. Here is her last will and testament." He held up the official looking paper. "I must add that Anne Roberts did not have a will until you came to stay with her. About a year after of your stay, she came to me, wanting to leave you something when she had passed on."

I was completely frozen in my seat. Anne left me something?

He unfolded the paper, pulled on a pair of ridiculously small reading glasses and started to read.

"I, Anne Roberts, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, hereby leave all of my world possessions to Bella Swan. This includes my property at 415 Oak Lane, the Slumber Pines Inn, the 2001 Mercury Sable, and the remaining funds in all of my following bank accounts…" He rambled off a series of 4 account numbers, "all coming to a total of $547,000."

After that, I stopped listening. Anne had left me everything in the world that she held dear to her. She had left me the house that her Michael had built for her. She had left me her beloved inn. And she had left me all the money she had saved. I was in shock.

"Now, Miss Swan, there is an interested buy who would like to purchase the inn. They're offer is very reasonable and includes 10% of the yearly profit for the next 20 years. Seeing your obvious young age, I must urge you to accept the offer. The house on 415 Oak Lane is completely paid off, as is the Mercury Sable, so they are yours to do with as you wish. Well, Miss Swan?"

I realized I had been frozen for the last several minutes, staring unblinkingly at the wall.

"Yes…yes I agree, I will take the offer on the inn."

He smiled, and pushed a pile of paperwork my way, with a plan Bic pen on top. "Now the next part is easy."

When I returned to the house, the house was devastatingly quiet. And empty. Without Anne, this house was no longer my safe harbor, it was my tomb. I couldn't stay without sinking into the same maniacal depression. Maybe one day I could return, and there would be good memories here, and I would no longer feel like it felt now: cold and empty.

I parked the car in the garage and put the keys in the drawer by the door. I cleaned everything, and folded everything neatly. All the beds were stripped and all the laundry was finished. I entered her room one final time. There on the top of her pillow lay the small golden cross she had worn everyday since I had known her. I placed it carefully around my neck. The chain was long and hung mid-chest and would stay well under my clothes so it couldn't be damaged. I closed the door behind me and grabbed my blue backpack with all of my clothes, and the few other possessions I had. I locked the front French doors behind me, put the key in my pocket and ran away from my safe harbor.


	7. New York

Canada is flat.

Miles and miles of farmland stretching farther than my powerful eyes could see. Every so often I'd hit a large city, but then more endless flat land.

I ran east, far away from Anne's house and from Forks. I suppose I had subconsciously decided on New York before I realized that was where I was actually heading. New York City's percentage of overcast days was high enough that I wouldn't have to worry about the impending sunlight. The only small problem I could foresee was the distance to available animal blood. If it was too risky and too far away, I would probably have to come up with another living situation.

I ran for three days before I hit the Canadian and US border, then it was only a few hours till I hit the city.

The city blossomed over the edge of the horizon like a forest of blazing lights. I was still quite a few miles away, standing on the edge of the last forest before I hit residencies. It wouldn't be that far of a run, I decided. My feeding habits would have to change, larger meals and just a little farther apart.

The doe I caught wasn't as large as the Canadian herbivores I was used to. Everything seemed a little smaller here. Not just the animals, but the land itself. It curved in and out, making the horizon seem closer than it actually was. I caught two more deer before I was full, feeling almost disgustingly slushy with the amount of blood I had consumed.

It was dark when I entered the city, but still busy and bustling like it probably was during the day. And it was loud, too loud for my taste. I received several sidelong glances from a group of men walking past me. I narrowed my eyes and frowned, and they seemed to get the point. People pushed past each other, swirling the mix of hundreds of different scents of blood and the dirty grime of the streets into the air. It was disorienting! I wasn't used to having to process so many different smells at once. A woman tried to push past me, but ended up falling hard on my rock shoulders. She glanced up to me in anger, but stopped short by the hungry look on my face. She smelled delicious, even with the amount of blood I had already drank. As she blinked once, I took off running as fast as I could, ducking in and out of people, faster than any of them could see. Perhaps the direct center of the city was a place to avoid.

I ran down every street and every alley, memorizing the lay of the city. I was in the northern part of the city when I found it. I stopped when I came to a street lined in different colored apartments. The road was made of an older cobbled brick. The street was narrow, and definitely older, but it was perfect. It was out of the way and nearly empty. I couldn't have chosen a better place to live.

My move in day was quick. I had absolutely no furniture, so I would have to buy some. I had rented the apartment on the backside of the strip of buildings. I had my own personal alley that led to the front steps of my apartment, along with a parking spot. It was surprisingly easy to rent the small space, much easier then trying to rent a room at an inn.

Gary Steinman was a seedy old man. When I first entered the aged office on the in the north side of the city, his eyes instantly fell across my body. I could deal with that though. Probably the seedier the business dealing, the less questions asked. I refused to show my ID and signed the minimal paperwork. He wasn't a very quick witted man, and the charm I was able to work over him helped greatly. I wasn't above using what I had gotten from this new life to make it easier. I smiled a dazzling smile and laughed a lot, and he seemed very appeased and handing over the keys to one of his 'luxury apartments to such a fine young lady' as he put it (the entire time, his mouth open and staring blankly at my face).

The apartment was small, but exactly what I needed. It was on the back lot, so there were no windows, just plain blue walls and a tan carpet. A small kitchen, living room, bedroom and a bathroom – everything I needed.

I felt guilty spending Anne's money.

As I stood in the checkout line with the few essentials I needed, shampoo, soap, cleaning supplies mostly, I had a hard time handing over the credit card. I ran the items home, then went to the nearest furniture store.

I hated looking at the prices of the couches and tables. It wasn't better if I didn't, the guilt was less. I picked a dark blue plush living room set with matching decorations for the living: a beautiful floral rug and a large alluring painting. I didn't need a bed, but I hated to leave the bedroom empty, so I bought a long chaise and pillow set. At least something to make the apartment seem more like a home.

The furniture store dropped the furniture off at the opening of the alley to my apartment and sped off without a glance back. I hurriedly carried the furniture into the apartment, eager to be out of the public eye doing something so obvious strange. A girl my size should not have been able to lift these pieces by herself.

I was bringing the final piece of my new apartment when I felt them behind me.

Instincts took over as soon as their smell hit my face – they were not human. I turned and crouched, and a small growl grew in my chest. The two vampires mirrored my stance and hissed.

"What do you want?" I growled. The scars lining their arms and neck told me that they had been in many fights, which made me defensive. The only scars that lasted on vampire skin were from vampire bites. The scars told a story all their own: no vampire should have been so viciously ripped at and been able to survive. How many vampires had tried to kill them? How man vampires had they tried to kill? These scars screamed Danger!

"Not very friendly, not at all," The tall brown hair vampire said tauntingly. He crept to my side, trying to surround me. I knew nothing about fighting, but I knew not to get surrounded. I rotated to face him and growled again. If this turned into a fight, I would have no chance of fighting them off.

"She's young, she won't be much of a fight," The shorter dark male had a thick accent and was larger than his partner. The brown haired male made a grab for me faster than human eyes would have seen, but I reacted quicker than I thought and impulsively darted out of the way, kicking his retreating back. He face smashed into the brick wall of the alley, leaving a large crack.

He turned and smiled almost appreciatively. "She's fast though. And she's still strong. You can handle this one yourself. I think we should recruit her."

"She's in our grounds and she's not one of use, Julian!" the larger vampire said, growling a little. He was the more defensive of the pair while this 'Julian' appeared to be the more offensive.

"She's young, she probably doesn't know," Julian replied, relaxing out of the crouch.

The other vampire just eyed him warily, as if deciding what action to take. He looked at the crack in the brick wall and eased several paces away. "If you're going to recruit her, make it quick." He back away until he blended in with the night and was gone.

Julian turned back to me, menacingly tall and strong, but his face had at least softened to a mild humor. He reminded me in many ways of Emmett, which made my sides ache a little. "Gavril," He said, nodding over his should to where the other vampire had been. "He's a wonderful fighter, not much of a 'people-person' though, unless you count his blood lust." He laughed a short barking laugh.

"What do mean recruit me?" I asked, still in a crouch but a little less tense. If he had chosen to attack, he would have done so by now.

"Because, sugar, you just landed yourself in a full out vampire war."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

From on extreme to the next, right? I really wanted Bella to have an adventure. This is supposed to be kind of 'coming into her own' sort of a story.

Where's Edward? Don't worry, he's coming up in a few chapters 

Thank you so much for the reviews! Honestly, they made my day! I'd love to see more!


	8. Clans

I suppose in the long run I had come out very lucky. I was a danger magnet, through and through. I had escaped it for the few short years at Anne's house, but it seemed like I was overdue for bad luck to catch up with me. I realized this as Julian leaned against the alley wall across from me, speaking very quickly and softly and told me how I was now apart of a full out vampire war.

"This section of New York has been the hunting grounds to a clan, so to say; my family." He pointed to his chest as he spoke. "We've lived in and around the New York area for the past 200 years. We're not a large family, but large enough to serve as a threat to rivals who would like to reclaim these streets. No vampires are allowed to live inside the confines of our grounds, which is why we were ready to forcibly move you out of your apartment." He laughed a little as he eyed my little dwelling. From what he had told me, they lived mostly underground.

It seemed so out of a movie, all about the gangs of New York. Only the gang's weapons were sharp pointed teeth and unbelievable strength instead of guns.

"A southern vampire clan has recently been moving in on our hunting grounds. Mostly hunting around the edges to see if we'd notice, picking off stray humans here and there. They're larger than us, but still young. They fight among themselves more than they should to be considered a real threat. That's why we thought, at least, until they killed two of us." His eyes were suddenly scorching, black as night. All the humor fell from his face and he turned quickly away. I tensed up a little, expecting the worst, but he turned again, his positive façade back in place and his eyes the menacing crimson.

"My family joins the world of humans when we need, and have even had associations with humans who we found useful. We have found a way to coexist. We feed when we have to, but not more than we need. The southerners are animals. If they were to overthrow my family and take control of the city, death tolls would be too high for the humans not to notice. Before long, the Volturi would choose to intervene and kill whoever was in their path." A prickle of fear settled in my chest as he said the name Volturi.

A vampire turf war, I got it. I had left the comforts of my small Canadian country home to come and get torn to pieces by rival gangs…it seemed so _me_. Only I could have picked the one place in the continental US where the vampire wars were still going strong.

"I don't hunt humans," I said slowly. His eyes lit up in surprise. "I live off the blood of animals. This war has nothing to do with me. If you're asking for my support, I'm not sure there's much I have to offer, especially since hunting grounds and rights to the city don't mean much to me."

"Ah, I see; the gold eyes…" He said trialing off. "Very interesting. I've heard of such a thing before, but I'd never thought I'd meet such a vampire. From what I've gathered, most of your kind lives in the western side of the states."

"They did." I said. My eyes narrowed, communicating that I didn't want to continue on the subject. He got the point.

"By moving into New York, particularly the main street of all vampiric activity, you made yourself apart of this war." The way Julian talked, he didn't mean it threateningly, he meant it as a warning. "No clan, either ours or theirs, is going to allow a vampire to live in the city, no matter what their hunting habits are."

"Then why not kill me and get it over with?" I asked angrily.

His eyes became slightly bemused, but then he puts his hands together and concentrated. "I'm willing to offer a trade."

A small nagging part of my brain kept screaming that no good would come of this. The scars on his arms were marked over and over again – there was no way I could trust him. But I nodded for him to continue, curious as to what he had to propose.

"You are obviously very strong, and quick. No one has surprised me like what you just did now in a very long time," He nodded toward the cracked wall where I had kicked him. I smiled a little triumphantly. "You still need some training; after all, you can't be more than a few years old. If you are indeed what you say, and only drink the blood of animals, there is no reason you and my family cannot coexist. In exchange for your help against the southerners, my family will allow you to live peacefully here. If you chose not, you will have to leave this moment, or else I'm sure Gavril will return to help you 'move out'."

I thought it over. Edward has told me the stories of Jasper and the southern wars and how they had devastated him. This wasn't a game. There would be casualties, in a war that I truly had nothing to do with. I should run, save myself. I couldn't see the point of even thinking about it any longer.

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, a small child holding the hand of her mother crossed the opening of the alley. Julian and I froze in the shadows as the little girl stopped to pick up her doll. She had curly blonde hair that fell to her little pink clad shoulders. Her face was still round in a baby way, her arms just lengthening enough to reach the toddler age. She laughed as her mother scooped her up in her arms and kissed her on the cheek. Just as they started to walk, the little girl turned and looked directly at me. Her bright blue eyes found my golden ones, and they touched my heart.

A sudden horrific image flashed across my mind. The little girl lying in the street, her head angled oddly, her bright blue eyes dead and empty. As empty as Anne's had been they day I found her-

Stop! I told myself. I shook my head, getting the image out of my mind. Julian noticed.

"Her name is Megan, and that's her mother Christina. They're your neighbors."

I could see what he was doing. He was connecting names to the people I knew would be killed if I didn't help. If I left now, I would feel as much guilt knowing I had the chance to protect them as I had knowing that I had killed the blonde hair woman in Forks. And that guilt would eat me alive. By only drinking the blood of animals, I had chosen to abstain from killing humans. Would I be any better if I willingly stepped out of the way for their destruction?

My eyes found Julian's; gold to crimson. He would have to teach me to fight. And he would understand that if the battle took a turn for the worse, I would run. I had no true allegiance to his family, just the need to do what I could. I would fight, but I would not die. Again.

I nodded once, and then turned to the door of my apartment. I locked it, throwing the key into the pocket of my jeans. I turned back to him, and he had a wide grin on his face.

"Well alright!" He said, smiling even wider. Yes, almost an exact twin of Emmett. "Let's go introduce you to the family!"


	9. Storytime

The dog followed at a distance, but tagged along intently in my direction. He smelled wet and dirty and his short deep breaths told me he was tired. I was walking at a humans pace down the empty New York sidewalk. It was early in the morning, somewhere around three or four. The day was already overcast and dreary. I rounded the corner to my apartment and the dog took a few bounding steps so he was directly at my side.

Great, I was being followed by a suicidal dog.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" I asked stopping and staring down at the small mutt. He recoiled back a few steps but then got down playfully on his fronts legs and wagged his tail in the air. He was cute, I had to admit. He was a mutt of some mix, probably around a year or two. He had short ears and sad eyes. His tail was knotted with mud. He was so dirty I wouldn't have wanted to get my teeth anywhere near that matted fur.

I continued walking, this time at a snails pace, watching him trot next to me. Animal's instincts were sharp; they usually picked up when something was dangerous. In this instance, this dog should have sensed..._something_. As I got to my apartment and started to unlock the door, the dog sat a few feet away and let out a low sad whimper.

"I don't have any food. Seriously - nothing. If you come in, I'd probably just eat you, and would you want that on my conscious?"

He turned his head to the side a bit as if listening and then laid down on the cement. I walked inside and closed the door. Hopefully he'd go away.

I waited ten minutes, listening at the door. His heartbeats didn't move from the front of my door. His stance shifted slightly. I opened the door to see him sitting upright, his tail wagging again.

"If I let you in, you might have to fend for yourself. I'll do my best not to eat you, but don't expect miracles okay?" Before I had even finished the sentence, the dog had trotted right past me into the apartment.

I started with a bath. If anything, he could at least help keep my floors clean. After the bath, his scent was a little more vivid without the layer of mud caked over him. I wasn't hungry, so it was tolerable. The entire bath he kept his eyes staring at me, his expression one of blinding love. He licked my hands a few times which made me laugh. This dog knew no fear.

I laughed out loud again as something hit me: this dog was in retrospect, me. Never knowing when he was in danger, always tagging along with the creature that could easily destroy him. How the tables had turned.

I sat down on my unused couch and he followed, leaping up in the seat next to me and immediately falling asleep. He was worn out, poor thing.

This had been a crazy night, to be sure.

…

It started with meeting Julian's family.

I walked with him, keeping a good distance but not letting him out of my sight. Nothing in his character told me I had to worry, but every instinct told me to still be wary. We walked several blocks past my apartment, and turned down a long alley. 100 feet down stood an open manhole.

"Ladies, first," He said, nudging the lid a little with his foot. I stared warily at him. This was stupid; I was acting very, very stupid right now. This could so easily turn into a situation where I could be ambushed. But his humored face smiled at me again, and I knew that if he wanted to kill me, he would have done so.

The drop was short. I landed on the balls of my feet nimbly and stepped out of the way as I heard the rushing air of Julian's drop. He landed beside me quietly and gracefully.

The tunnel was dark, but my eyes still picked up every detail. It looked like an old drainage pipe. It was at least 8 feet wide and tall, and was rusted through on the sides so you could see its brick encasing. Julian motioned for me to follow him down the north side of the tunnel. We walked fast, the wet air whooshing past us. We got to a turn and then another before we were standing face to face with a door.

It was artfully crafted and spherical, fitting the shape of the tunnel. There was a burning torch to the side of the door throwing the details of the intricate carvings into greater relief. He turned the large brass knob and entered.

"Welcome to my home."

The door opened to a high ceiling-ed room. There were long beams of wood running evenly across the top of the room, and fine boards floored beneath our feet. The walls were a crumbled brick which gave the room the look of a modern poet nook. The room was well lit and had hand crafted furniture along the walls. Paintings and other antiquities were professionally placed around the room. The room had another-worldly feel, like I had stepped right into a Shakespearean play.

We were expected, that was sure. Eight vampires stood in the high ceiling-ed room, at the front was Gavril, his arms flexed and crossed. Three women stood to his left while four men to his right. On almost all of their faces was a look of unbelief.

"Is this the golden eye you spoke of, Gavril?" The woman who spoke was breathtakingly beautiful, more so than the other females. Blazing red hair that matched her eyes, her face was a perfect heart. She had her arms folded across her chest, an imitation of Gavril.

Gavril nodded a short curt nod.

"Julian…how could you bring one of the nomads down here?" A woman with windblown blonde hair spoke. She came and stood next to him, her eyes questioning. They were obviously mates.

"She's different from the other wild nomads we're used to dealing with. She was setting up house when we found her," His eyes were laughing when he said this. They all stared at me curiously, probably wondering what was wrong with me.

Rather than stand stupidly and let them dictate the terms of our meeting, I stepped in.

"My name is Bella. I moved her from Northern Canada not even two days ago. I wasn't aware of the strict territorial stances that you and your family take on this side of New York." I spoke confidently, keeping up the impression that I wasn't scared. It seemed to be working somewhat. "I would have been fine with leaving until Julian explained the situation you are under with the southern clan."

"She agreed to help, with the understanding that she is allowed to stay in New York at the lodging she has set up for herself." Julian spoke.

At the last word, one of the males angrily stepped forward and thrust a finger at me. "So you would do so without your family's approval? You, more or less, adopt another vampire into our coven without so much as a word?"

"Peace, Locke. Let us decide now. Perhaps it would be best if you explained." He turned to me. I understood that this was court, and it was open rule. If my case was believable and they deemed me trustworthy, then I would be allowed to live. If not, the jury would rip me to shreds.

"Where are you from?" The blonde asked, leaning around her mate and looking at me attentively.

I thought of all the memories I had suppressed for the past two years. I had done everything in my power to leave the memory of the Cullens in the bottom of my subconscious. Everything from being human seemed so dim, so faint, that I made believe they were nothing more than a dream. Now, standing face to face with nine very curious and deadly vampires, I knew I'd have to break myself in order to stay alive.

"It all started," I began. "when I moved to Forks, Washington."

I told them everything. I told them about the Cullens, about falling in love with Edward and their 'vegetarian' lifestyle. I told them about James, Victoria and Laurent and the spring break that had nearly claimed my life, then to Edward leaving me. I noticed the expressions of the three females softened as I had obvious difficulty describing the next few months of being alone. I told them about being bitten by Laurent and leaving Forks, just to be taken in by an elderly human. I finished with her death and my travel to New York.

They all seemed taken aback by the drama and dynamic of my story. They glanced at each other with eyebrows raised before a male with tendriled black hair spoke.

"You feed off animals?"

I nodded. He face was aghast. I had never truly realized how different a lifestyle I had adopted. I was, quite humorously, the freak of the vampire world.

"I believe her," The blonde, Katherine said. She glanced at her family to see how her comment was received. Julian grabbed her hand and affectionately squeezed. The others didn't seem as trusting, but at least none made a lunge for my throat.

"Does anyone have a say against Bella joining with us for the fight against the southerners, or to her living in our grounds?" Julian spoke. While he reminded me so very much of Emmett, he had the fatherly and leader like role, much like Carlisle.

The red head looked at me with pure venom, one I had received ample times from Rosalie. She looked like she would have very much like to point out anything that would keep me from staying, but she didn't speak.

"Then it is decided," Julian beamed. "I guess this is welcome to the family, Bella!"

…..

I scratched the dog's ear and he looked up at me with a playful expression.

After Julian's triumphant response, they told me I could go and prepare for training. They would be coming for me the following night so we could train in the forest where I hunted.

"What's your name, hmm? I doesn't look like you're in any hurry to leave, and I can't just keep calling you dog." I played with his soft fluffy fur. He rolled on his belly and his tail flopped wildly on the couch. "How about Lunch? Do you like that name?" His wagging stopped and his eyes looked almost annoyed. Obviously not.

I was never good with pets. After two neglected goldfish, Renee had forbidden me from getting anymore pets.

I scratched his thin ribs and felt a little guilty about not having food. "Let's get you some dinner." I said standing and grabbing my wallet. "You know, you're lucky you found someone who is such a push over. I can't imagine anyone else being pushed around by a dog." I stopped suddenly, and turned to the dog still on the couch.

"Come on, Lucky, let's go get some dinner."

He did a terrific lunge off the couch and happily followed me to the door.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

Longest chapter yet! I'm hoping you guys like the story. I'm trying my best to introduce the new characters slowly so no one's brain goes into melt down trying to memorize characters.

Please, leave reviews, feedback, comments, anything. I love the love, people!


	10. Training

I took a shower, erasing the grime of the sewers from my hair and off my body. I put on clothing that would allow me the most movement; a newer pair of jeans, a long sleeved shirt and my new endurable tennis shoes. I pulled my hair back in a braid to get it out of my face. Lucky watched with mild interest as I got ready, more interested in his new chew toys and the ample amount of food in his bowl.

I knew the sun had finally set, and I could sense the three vampires outside my door before they let themselves in.

"Oh, sorry," Julian said, stopping short. I turned to look, to see what he apologized for (aside from his rude entrance into my home). He was looking at the Lucky, who was growling maniacally. "Should we wait until you're finished?"

It finally clicked what he meant. I laughed. "No Julian, this isn't dinner. This is a stray I picked up today."

The three vampires glanced at each other surprised yet again. "This young one holds nothing but surprises," Katherine said, smiling at me. She wore a simple blue tank with thick khaki pants. "Are you ready?"

I nodded and followed them out of the apartment, down the alley and out of the city.

The rest joined us at the edge of the city and they ran with us, holding specific ranks: Gavril and Julian leading, the females and I in the center of the group and the four other males were following behind us. It was silent except for Katherine who ran next to me, filling me in on the family.

Katherine and Julian had found each other around 1759 while in northern Finland, where she was born. She was a new vampire at the time, and still wild. Julian helped her tame the vampire in her, and they have been together ever since. The next to join their group was Locke, who was already a decade old, and they moved around Europe for the next 50 years, in that time Gavril found his mate Lena, who was one of the vampires killed by the southerners a few days ago. When European towns became bustling cities, and it became harder for vampires to feed without going noticed, the group moved to the new world, America. They landed in Rhode Island, and immediately laid claim to most of the northern states.

All the stories Edward had told me of Jasper's southern vampire wars didn't seem to be the first fights over hunting grounds. They had been going on since the mid 1800's.

Katherine, Julian, Gavril and Lena were the main dictating driving force in the North Eastern United States for several years. The only interference came after they had been in the US for 15 years; the Volturi confronted them and ordered them to retreat farther North and have a smaller hunting ground.

"It took us a few years to realize that they felt threatened." Julian interjected, as we ran farther north. "We were gaining soldiers from all over who would do anything to be part of a vampire government. It was all about power."

The clan then picked New York City as their one and only hunting ground. Garrett and his mate Sarah, the beautiful red haired female joined them in 1900, and then the group gained the twins.

"Twins?" I asked, looking at the vampires for any who seemed alike.

"Locke and Laura were bitten by the same vampire and awoke at the exact same moment. This somehow gave them the powers they have. They're able to communicate telepathically and can always sense each other." Katherine explained.

"It comes in handy; let me tell you that!" Gavril yelled, letting out a rough and low laugh. The rest muttered or laughed here and there, it was obviously an inside joke.

The last to join their group was the youngest, Jonathon, the black tendriled man with the almost tan complexion and his brother Jeremiah. Jeremiah had been attacked by the southerners and killed as well.

So it was a real family. Not exactly like the Cullens, but with the same camaraderie. They supported and liked each other at least. In the end, it probably was the draw of power in numbers that kept them together.

We finally arrived in a large field several miles away from New York City. From what I gathered, this was a regular practice field for them. Locke and Jonathon fell immediately to my sides, feeling more like I was being guarded then anything. I gave Julian a look, but he just smiled and motioned for me to follow.

We gathered in a loose circle and Gavril and Julian took over. They had dealt the most in the vampire wars and were the experts, so to say.

For the first part of the night, they demonstrated familiar attacks that the southerners would take and the best way to avoid being surrounded. The demonstrations were fast, and almost…exhilarating. I leaned forward, eager to pick up any detail of their footing, their movements.

After that, they broke us up into teams, Gavril and Julian paired with me.

"Now you're the youngest which means you're also the strongest. They may look at you like a weak spot though. If there's anyway you could get your arms around one of them though, they'd have no chance of getting you off." Julian explained. Gavril spoke little to me, still frustrated by the fact I was allowed to be apart of their battle.

"Now Gavril is going to come from the side, doing whatever your instincts tell you to do."

Gavril rushed and I leapt straight up, spinning in the air and landed quickly on his back, my arm around his neck. The other pairs stopped to see what had happened and froze. Gavril cursed as I let my arm down and leaped off his back.

"Did I do it wrong?" I asked, surprised by the others looks of shock.

"No, not at all," Julian answered, still awestruck. "On contrary…that was very good. It must have something to do with the fact you've seen vampires in action, you've studied their movements, even before you were one yourself. I'm surprised though…."

Locke and Laura exchanged surprised side long glances then looked away. The group had gone awkwardly quiet. But I ignored it as I went back to practice.

The rest of the practice went the same. We switched partners once or twice. The hardest was when we practiced multiple attacks, although this did give Locke and Laura a chance to show off their skills.

They moved coordinately and with such intent, they had Sarah pinned in under a minute. They looked up smugly, and Laura gave one last side long glance at me before joining Locke at the opposite side of the circle.

I felt a small temperature rise as it grew closer to dawn. Julian called the practice to a close and we ran back to the city in silence.

This was the eve of war, I could tell. The practice, while my first, had been their last. I didn't feel prepared or ready, I felt unsure.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

Kind of a boring chapter which is why I left it short, but I also wanted to show the conflict between Julian's family and what Bella feels like is festering behind all of their 'good intentions'. Can they really be trusted?

Reviews, love! Please and thank you.


	11. Unwanted

I got home as the suns rays hit the tops of the buildings. I was met by a joyous Lucky who did a running leap into my arms. He licked my face happily as I let him outside.

I sat on the blue chaise in my room and turned on a CD. The music was familiar and comforting, it helped me think.

I wouldn't say I felt at home talking to Julian's family, but I didn't feel like an outsider either. This wasn't my family, but I supposed it could be. I'd be like the crazy adopted sister, whose eating habits were different from the rest of the families – a lot like the years Carlisle had lived with the Volturi. I could feel accepted. If we won this battle, I'd have a place to live for the next few hundred years, with familiar faces to welcome me home. I didn't have to be alone.

Suddenly, the forgotten hole in my chest started to fester. It twitched almost painfully, as I wrapped my arms around my middle and fell to the floor.

I knew why – I was replacing my family. The Cullens seemed less than a dream, less than a faint memory. Julian's family was here, right now, and they wanted me with them.

I was forgetting them, slowly but surely. Their faces mixed together in foggy patterns as I tried to remember them from my mundane human memory. The only sure face that still stood out was…

_Edward. _

His face rose to the surface, perfectly formed. I would never forget his face.

After all the years I had spent at Anne's, doing my best to forget him, I knew I never could. I remembered the promise I had made to myself, to live for the person I loved.

Here in New York, fighting a turf war with vampires resembling a burgeoning Volturi government didn't seem like something he would want me mixed up in.

This put a new perspective to the trouble I was getting myself into. If I were to be killed in this battle, this stupid fight over someone else hunting grounds, I would never be able to see him. Never again.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that if I wandered enough, and lived long enough, someday I might see him.

I picture it now, the surprise in his face as he first saw me and took in what I had become. He'd see how beautiful I was, and all that I had gone through just to get to where I was now. He'd take one or two short steps, before closing the distance quickly. He'd lift me up into his arms and…

"He doesn't want you anymore," I said aloud. This shocked of hearing the words aloud pulled me out of my day dream. All of my thoughts of the Cullens vanished as I again thought of the promise I had made.

I had been adopted by a new family. I would grow to love them just like the Cullens.

I would fight with them, however; I would run if I had to. I would not die for a war that up until a few days ago had nothing to do with me. After that, I would decide what to do. That's all that I could plan for – to survive.


	12. Betrayal

I spent the rest of the day listening to loud music, droning out everything in my mind.

I didn't want to think about the Cullens, or Julian's family, or the war that was due to happen. I just wanted to escape into the wild waves out sound rolling out of the stereo.

The day had been sunny, but the clouds had started to roll in around 8. I left my apartment, clad in skinny jeans and a black cap sleeved shirt and made my way to the edge of the city. Whether the fight take place tonight or tomorrow, I needed to feed so I was a strong as I could be. I sprinted out a few miles when I felt someone running after me, and whoever it was ran fast.

Instinctively I turned crouched to spring when Sarah came to a graceful halt in front of me. "Quick, Julian things the southerners are gathering, we have to go now!"

"But, I haven't fed in almost three days, I need blood!"

"No time!" She yelled, grabbing my hand and pulling me east of where I had been running.

I ran beside her, worried about the situation I had put myself in. I wasn't weak with hunger, but I definitely wasn't as strong as I should have been for this fight.

We ran for about half an hour when we came to the northern most tip of the city. The area looked like it had been undergoing some major construction. Partial buildings and old office spaces lined one half of the empty streets. The smell hit me then, the sweet smell of blood, human blood. My hunger was hard to keep under control, but I stopped breathing and followed Sarah to the edge of the largest construction zone.

She turned to me with an odd leer in her eyes "Julian and Gavril have the others stationed around this zone. This is where we are expecting them. Stay hidden in this entrance until you see us make our move." And before I could even reply she ran blindingly fast up the side of the closest office building.

This was wrong. I knew it was wrong. And as I waited, the inkling to run became stronger and stronger.

I waited longer, hidden I the shadows of the metal beams of the building. My instincts were exceptionally keen as I listened for every sound, every movement.

I had waited for nearly an hour…when suddenly I was surrounded.

I don't know how they did it, and I'm not sure why my sharp ears hadn't picked up the sound of their approach, but suddenly I was completely surrounded. Ten or more vampires circled me, all ranging in skin tones and distinctiveness. I darted quickly to the center of the construction zone, but their circle around me never broke. I glanced around the pack, hurriedly looking for any sort of escape. Surely the others would come…surely they would see my situation and come to help.

I saw a figure dart across the top of a building, but then nothing else. A few choking moments passed, surrounded by the imposing vampires when I finally understood.

. Julian's words suddenly surfaced in my mind, "We would do anything to protect our land". Anything, including offering me up as a distraction.

I was invading this enemy clan's territory. I was considered the threat. It was perfectly natural for these vampires to want to defend their land.

Betrayal washed through me. I wasn't family, I was _convenient._ I was expendable. I was just a piece in their big war strategy. The whole in my chest ripped anew and I almost cried out from the hurt.

The first vampire fell into the circle around me, and grinned. Dark skinned and red eyed, he was menacing. He feinted to the left, then the right. I watched his every move, mirroring him. The other jeered in earnest. He smiled again. "Muy bien," he whispered. And then he lunged.

I duplicated the move I had used on Gavril. I twisted with dizzying speed and landed on his back. In one fluid movement, my arm went to his neck and I pulled. In one sickening tug, I decapitated the vampire. His body fell to the ground and I was falling back in the center of now nine very angry vampires.

They were on me before my feet hit the ground. They pinned me, keeping me held tight. I felt slashing at my arms and legs, and I screamed – they were biting me! Their sharp teeth slashed into my stone skin as if it were butter, ripping.

I wasn't dying but I was almost frozen in pain. I couldn't move, and for several seconds, I was pinned and there was nothing I could do. I felt my arm splinter, and bone break, but they didn't try to kill me. Not yet. This was torture.

I heard the rushing of the wind as Julian and his family landed in the center of the construction zone. One by one, they picked off the vampires who were all still angrily shredding my arms and legs. As the last vampire was pulled off me and I heard the sickening snap of his neck as Gavril decapitated him, Julian bent over me.

His face was remorseful. His eyes drawn focused on my untouched face to my ragged arms.

"I am sorry, Bella. There was no other way. But like I said, I would do anything to protect my family and our land. We might have stood a chance if they had not killed our two others. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

He stood and simply started to walk away. I looked down to my arms and legs, they were already healing over. The skin folded over itself and sealed shut, but with hundreds of criss-crossed scars. The bone in my arm straightened and mended with a sickening crackling noise.

I stood, and I crouched. I would take one of them out if they killed me. The others were burning the pieces as I stood, but only a few looked my way with any wariness in their eyes.

Julian turned and gave me a look. "It's not worth getting yourself killed over."

I stayed crouched, growls ripping through my throat, my healing arms felt strong enough to kill him.

He continued to glare at me, waiting to see my next move. There was none. I stood motionless, trying to will myself to run at them, to tear them to pieces for their betrayal, but I didn't. Julian realized this, and turned away. He watched the others burning the pieces of the rival clan, and then called over his shoulder. "A deal's a deal; the apartment is yours if you want it, forever."

I didn't reply, I didn't leap, and I didn't do anything. I watched them continue to burn the pieces.

Wrong place at the wrong time…it was nothing personal – nothing at all. They hadn't wanted me for their family. I was a strategy. I had been used.

Betrayed

Realization hit me like slap to the face. Yes, I wanted them to kill me. I would beg if that's what it took, anything to just end this useless life. Tear me to pieces, just whatever you do, help me to get out of this hurt! I would attack them if that's what it took. Killing one of them seemed a small price to pay for what they had done to me.

No love, no family, no home. I had nothing to exist for anyway.

I took half a step toward the growing fire when something fell from my neck. There on the ground was Anne's necklace. The chain had broken at the latch, but the cross was in perfect condition.

Time froze. The fire flames licked the air and then stopped moving all together. Julian and his family, their faces lit up wickedly from the glowing pit of burnt corpses stood in mid motion, not paying any attention to the girl behind them.

…

How long ago had it been…years…the first night I had stayed in Anne's house.

I had been broken, just like I was now. Betrayal, hurt, sorrow, it all seemed so familiar. I had been through all of this before.

The hole in my chest had hurt, just like it did now. Her eyes had pierced me, understanding.

"How did you survive?" I had asked.

"The same way you will - one awful day at a time. Sometimes, people that hurt so deeply run. They run away from their past, from the hurt. You can sit and stare, and wonder what you did wrong; what you did to deserve losing everything you loved most. Or you can pick yourself up and learn to live one day at a time for them. You can make your feet move, make your heart beat, because you do it for them. It gets easier, this living thing. The pain never goes away, but you learn to carry it differently, because in the end, that's what they'd want you to do: live."

I remembered the crashing black waves that had tried to drag me down, peaceful and empty, and I felt the same lift as a second comprehension hit me. No, I didn't want death. Yes, I had something to live for.

I stared at the cross in my hand. Anne had known I would reach another junction like this, another turning point. She had passed on all the advice she had for when I reached this crucial moment.

I didn't belong here. Not here in this city, watching a clan of vampires burn the corpses of their enemies. Not hiding in the country, watching the world go by.

I had done everything I could: I had lived on, pushed forward, not succumbing to the endless pain like I once had. I had been strong when I felt weak, persevered when I thought I couldn't go on, all along moving towards this fork in the road.

I could stay in this city and burrow myself into whatever was left of me; just another hiding place in another city. Alone: living each day feeling nothing, hearing nothing, seeing nothing; alone with my memories. As good as dead.

Or I could go back to where I truly belonged: with Edward.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .

A/N

So, did anyone see that coming?

A little dark though, but don't worry, it can only be happier form here on out!

This was kind of a _blah_ chapter, but it helped the story along.


	13. Alice

I didn't turn to see Julian's family's expressions, I just took flight.

I had never run that fast in my short existence as a vampire, but I felt a new strength, a new fuel that was stronger than any kind of blood: hope. It poured into my veins and put fire into my heart.

Edward was the love of my life – the love of my existence. I could not hide from that, not in the smallest, most forgotten town in Canada; not in the darkest corner of New York City. It had taken a war for me to realize that I could not replace him or his family. They would and always would be the main drive for my existence. I would live for them, die for them if need be. He said he did not want me, but what was to keep us apart now? Time would bring him back to me, and I would wait. If he wanted to be rid of me, he would have to kill me himself, because I would never be without him again. Not if he screamed, not if he yelled. No locked doors could keep me away from him anymore, only the ones in his own stubborn heart.

I got to the apartment within five minutes. Lucky jumped startled at my entrance, and then sat expectedly as I flew around the apartment.

I pulled the same blue backpack off from its place on the wall and packed it full with my clothes and the few other things I had brought with me on my trip to the city. I grabbed my wallet, the cash, and the credit card and stowed them safely in the pockets of the bag.

Lucky whimpered from his spot on the floor. I looked down at him guiltily. I kneeled down to him and he jumped in my arms.

"I don't think it's a good idea if you come with me. Remember me telling you how I'd eat you? I wasn't really joking. I have the self control, but my family may not. Alice maybe, but definitely not Emmett-" I stopped short. Alice. Of course!

I ran into the bedroom one last time and pulled a marker and binder off of the chaise. I opened it to the first blank page and stopped.

Alice had once told me that her power of seeing had become attuned to me as a human, but it worked even better with nonhumans. With the combination, I could easily send a clear message to her, telling her where to meet me.

A thought crossed my mind that made me bite my lip in inner pain. Surely she would have seen everything that had happened, everything I had been through in the past few years – yet she still hadn't tried to come and find me. I had always felt very close to Alice, almost like she was my sister, and that thought hurt down to my core.

I had to try though. Even if she didn't want me, she could at least help me find Edward.

But where could I tell her to look for me? I refused to stay in the city; I would not let them look for me here. I would not put them in that danger.

Denali! Of course. A family of vampires with the same 'vegetarian' lifestyle lived somewhere in the mountains. I would feel safe meeting her there.

I uncapped the marker and wrote in clear letters:

'PLEASE ALICE

MEET IN DENALI'

I turned the page and wrote it again, and then again and again. I stuffed the binder into the overflowing back pack. Just in case.

I picked up Lucky and walked out of the apartment, not even bothering to close the door. I had grabbed the unused leash I had bought not even a day before and attached it around his neck. I walked to the front of the apartment complex and up to the semi-familiar door. I set Lucky on the ground, gave him one last loving hug and then tied his leash to the doorknob. I knocked loudly on the door then darter around the corner. I heard the rustling of someone getting out of bed in the floor above.

"It's two in the morning," a female voice called. "Who would be knocking at this time of night?" Then I heard the soft patting of smaller feet running after her. "No, Megan. Go back to bed. Let mommy go down and get the door, you stay here." The patting of feet continued after her mother. The door opened a creak and Lucky barked.

Megan giggled and lunged herself at the dog. Lucky licked her cheeks and wagged his tail happily. Christina untied the leash from around the doorknob and knelt down.

"Where'd you come from, huh?" She said kindly, scratching the dog's ears. "I guess I can't leave you out in the street." I heard their retreating feet and the door close behind the small family.

I ran down the street quickly, trying to get out of the city as fast as possible. I ran with the same speed as I had returning to the apartment, going through busy intersections unseen by my velocity, crossing the city line and finally plummeting across the field where I had practiced with Julian's family.

My ears were already alert, so I heard them approach from the west, and before they realized what was happening I was crouched ready to attack. Julian and Katherine came to a stop in front of me, taken by surprised at my fast stance.

Julian put his hands up in front of him. "Easy, Bella. We're not here to fight."

I crouched down lower, letting out the most ferocious snarl I could muster. "Save it, Julian. If you don't get out of my way, don't think I won't act this time."

Katherine looked at Julian accusingly. "There must have been another way, Julian." She turned to me with so much remorse in her eyes; it almost made me diminish my defensive position. Almost. "Bella…there are no words…to say how sorry I feel. There's no way to make up to you what we've done." She looked at her mate pleadingly.

What was there to say? Nothing could lessen the exploitation of my position. I had been alone and desperate for a family, and they had used that for their own intentions. I wouldn't even give them the benefit of words, just the endless growl emanating from my throat. My scars along my arms and my shredded jeans exposed, they could see what they had done to me.

"I suppose it was stupid to stop you. I just didn't want you to leave thinking too harshly of us. I know that's impossible…" Katherine trailed off, perhaps leaving it open for me to correct her. When I made no attempt to lessen her guilt, she looked away sadly and stepped behind her husband.

They turned to start walking away, and then Julian yelled over his shoulder, "If ever you need a safe haven, or a reason to return, you can do so willingly. You have no hostility in New York against you." And then they took off in the trees, back to their newly claimed land that had been bought with my blood.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

I really wanted Bella to come full course. She's seen a lot and done a lot. She's had options opened up to her, and above all she's still choosing Edward. I liked the way I ended with Katherine and Julian. I really can't believe that all of their humanity would be lost, you know? I can see someone like Katherine really trying to apologize, but Bella isn't having it!

Oh, and I was really considering letting her bring Lucky back to the Cullens, but it is true – Emmett would probably eat him. He's better off with his new family.

Thank you for the reviews, loves!


	14. A Monster

Thank God for Canada's flat land.

It made running as fast as I was even easier. Without the hills and valleys I had to endure on my way out of New York, I felt like a bullet flying across the flat land.

After a day, my hunger was almost too much to endure. I had just crossed over Winnipeg, and human scent was almost overpowering. I ran north for a short while, getting lost in the thicker, luscious wildlife. Canada's wildlife proved more than satisfactory, as always. The large elk I caught satisfied my appetite.

I stopped at a small creek to rinse off my hands when I caught a look at myself in the blue waters reflection. My hair was a wild tangled mess of leaves and twigs. My face was clean except for a small smudge of the elk's blood on my cheek. My shirt was ripped to the point I marveled how it had stayed on at all! But there, I caught the first real look at the damage the clan of vampires had caused. Moon shaped scars criss-crossed across my arms like paint strokes. A few bites appeared on my side along my hip, and then the bites on my legs were innumerable. I was a monster. A disfigured monster.

I ripped out the twigs from my hair and tore off the remnants of the shredded clothing. I rinsed off the mud caked on my feet and hands and rubbed uselessly at the marks on my arms.

He wouldn't want me. I would disgust him.

Not waiting to get dry, I pulled on another pair of skinny jeans and my familiar blue blouse. I hadn't worn it since the last time I had seen him. Not since the night he had left me alone in the woods. The sleeves were long and covered up the scars on my arms. At least I could hide them.

As I started to zip my bag back up, I saw the binder and the marker.

What is she hadn't seen? Worse yet, what if she chose not to come?

I pulled them out and opened to a blank page.

'PLEASE, ALICE, PLEASE

MEET IN DENALI'

I wrote it repeatedly, filling the remainder of the binder. If she didn't see this, her powers must not be as strong as I thought.

If Alice chose to not come, I wondered about the vampires in Denali. Surely they would have a way to get in touch with the Cullens. Whether they would be willing to help me was another story. They had never met me, and I wasn't sure how they would react.

If all vampires reacted with the same hostility as Julian's clan had, I would need to be prepared. If there was a possibility that this could turn into a fight, I would need to make sure I was as strong as possible. I would hunt before-

Stop! What was I doing? Getting prepared to fight the friends of my family?

I could see now what the short time in New York had done to me. It had turned me wild. It had made me aggressive and hostile.

I couldn't allow them to see me like this: a wild vampire; unstable, untrusting. I was Bella, their Bella. His Bella. He would see me and see that underneath the stone skin, the gold eyes, I was still _his Bella_.

I zipped up my bag and started west again. It was probably only another day and a half until I reached Denali. It was only then could I know if Alice would be there. It was only then could I see if they could still want me.


	15. Denali

Crossing into Denali, my senses were so acutely alert, I was going insane. Every sound made me whip around to see what had caused it. My eyes scanned the mountainous region wildly. I wasn't exactly sure where these vampires lived, so I was more or less wandering aimlessly.

I could smell them, wherever they were. The valley was thick with the sweet scent of the vampire clan that lived here. Other vampires may have taken that as a warning; it was a marking of their territory. To me, it was anything but. To me, it was the sign that I may be on the next step to finding home.

The lake was flat, glassy and perfect motionless. If I hadn't been so desperately eager searching for Alice, I may have had time to take in just how beautiful Denali was. The lake mirrored the horizon perfectly – you couldn't even tell where the land started and the sky began. The mountainous valley was filled with lush green fir trees. Miles away I heard the heavy stampings of elk, and a little beyond the quick light steps of wolves. The wind was light and blew my hair in swirls around my face. For being only 20 degrees, it was surprisingly warm on my frozen skin.

I ran quickly and lunged over the lake. I landed neatly and gracefully on the other side and stopped where I landed. There, 300 feet in front of me stood a tall blonde vampire.

He was tensed, his muscular arms at his sides. From my weak human memory, I tried to connect it to the face I saw before me, but I only saw light resemblances. This face was scarred. I still saw the impeccably beautiful features under the vicious scars, but they were not his dominant trait. The same apprehension I had felt encountering Julian and Gavril took over my emotions. I tensed distinctively, and immediately regretted it. What was I doing?! I knew who this was, and I was acting just like a wild vampire.

"Jasper," I breathed. He stood staring at me; eyes wide open, mirroring the shock I felt.

I could tell he was tasting the emotions rolling off me. From the little I had been told about Jasper, he had the most experience when it came to dealing with young vampires. While not a newborn, my immediate alarm had alerted him that I was somewhat unstable. I did my best to relax, and put him at ease. His faced started to relax as he could tell I was attempting to pull myself together.

His shoulders relaxed a little and the worry dropped from his face.

'Bella,' he replied. He seemed unsure of what to do, and so was I. 'Are you…are you hurt?" His eyes immediately fell to my covered arms and then back to my face.

Alice had seen it all. I flinched instinctively at the memory. I rolled one sleeve up to show my scarred arm and Jaspers face contorted with anger.

"They're nothing. Nothing but scars," I whispered. Focusing on Jaspers face I let the happy disbelief fill me up. They were here, really truly there. They were there for _me._

The anger from Jaspers face fell and incredulity blossomed. He could tell what I was feeling and why I was feeling it.

"Bella," he said, almost a little harshly. "We would _always_ come for you."

The first real smile I had smiled since before Anne had died broke across my face.

Jasper seemed to be trying to trying to decipher the mix of emotions rolling off me when the sound of running feet erupted from different sides of the mountain. To the left and right, five figures were running towards where Jasper and I stood.

"We've been waiting for you to arrive for two days," Jasper said quietly. "We weren't sure where you would be coming from, we've been patrolling the edges day in and day out."

Alice was the closest. Her black hair flying wildly, her beautiful pixie face beaming and laughing. As she reached me, she jumped and threw her arms around me.

"Bella, oh my god, it's really you!" If she could she would have been crying. Her arms were around my neck; her feet several inches form the ground. My arms were tight around her in an instant.

Arms circled from behind me.

"Bella!" Esme cried, clear sobs racking her chest. Her arms circled both of us. All of a sudden, all three of us were lifted off the ground.

"BELLA!" Emmett bellowed, squeezing the three of us tightly in his arms.

I laughed as he set us back down on the ground and I unwillingly let go of them. Carlisle was standing beside us, watching with joy and relief etched across his face. He put his hand on my shoulder, smiling down at me. I smiled back even broader. He laughed and then pulled me into a tight hug.

"Thank God," He whispered. He released me a little shakily. He laughed again, looking around at his family.

On the very edge of the tight circle, Rosalie stood silently watching. Emmett moved aside and smiled briefly at her.

Rosalie's immaculately beautiful face was drawn into an unreadable expression. She was breathing in and out very fast, but her face was tense, trying to contain whatever she was ready to scream at me. I had hardly been her favorite person, and she never had let me forget that.

She took two very careful and measured steps towards me. She reached up shortly, then stopped, then reached out and pulled me into a hug. It was still tense and a little uneasy, but it was tight and I didn't protest.

"I am so sorry. Bella," she said pulling away and looking into my face. "I am so sorry."

I knew that as she said that, it encompassed everything. Sorry for treating me as she had, sorry for being so distant. Most of all, she was sorry for what had happened to me. Rosalie had never wanted this life, and to see it taken away from me as well made her connect to me. A connection I knew wouldn't be able to break.

Alice couldn't stand it any longer. She pulled me away from Rosalie and started to speak very, very fast.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I've never felt so blind, so helpless. In my defense, you _never_ plan where you're going and what you're doing. I tried to get clues. For the past _two years_ I've been trying to figure out where you were. I knew you were somewhere near mountains and trees. And elk. You like elk a lot. But other than that, you never looked forward, never tried to tell me where you were staying. The next thing I knew you were in a city, a big city. We looked all over the north trying to figure out which one it could possibly be. At this point, you were so unsure of what you were doing, I could only get flashed. I saw a vampire, a tunnel, and then I would get these flashes of a dog licking your face. We stuck mainly to Canada, searching all the big cities, but it wasn't until three days ago that I finally realized that you were in New York! We were in the completely wrong country! We were halfway to New York when I saw what those fuc-" Before Alice could continue with her tirade, Emmett had picked her up off the ground and held her under his arm like a football.

"Jeez, pixie, give her chance to breath." But he looked quickly at Jasper who was staring at me cautiously. Picking up on my uneasiness, Jasper could tell that the last thing I could talk about right now was what had happened in New York.

"I just…I just can't believe that you're here," I said quietly. "I thought when you didn't come to get me, you had abandoned me."

Esme's arms were around me again, holding me tight in a warm, motherly hug.

"Bella, don't you ever say that. You have no idea how badly we were trying to find you. When Alice got the vision of you being bitten by Laurent, we got on the first plane to Washington, but by the time we had gotten there, you were gone."

"We tracked you for a few hundred miles up into Canada," Carlisle added. He put his hand reassuringly on my shoulder again.

"But damn girl, you are _fast_!" Emmett said, shaking his head in awe. "By the third day, your scent was gone – we couldn't' find it anywhere."

"We thought at first you'd head here to Denali, to try and find us – or at least a way to locate us," Jasper added. I looked down guiltily. I felt horribly, thinking about what I had thought about them. Jasper sensed this too. He repeated what he had said to me, "Bella, we will always – _always_ come for you."

"What matters now is that she's here, and she's not leaving again," Carlisle answered. "You're apart of us Bella, we won't lose you again."

My heart was full to bursting. After two long years of searching for a reason to keep my feet moving, a reason for me to even keep existing, I had had it all along. I couldn't keep the smile from my face. I hugged everyone again and again, feeling them in my arms made it real. They would never betray or hurt me. They would never leave me. They were my family.

Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the south side of the mountain and the others followed suit. We walked at a slow, human pace. I wanted the moment to go on forever. The sun erupted from behind the slight cloud covering and engulfed the valley in its brilliant rays. Alice laughed as the rainbows reflected off my skin and Esme touched my cheek lightly, smiling.

The question I had wanted to ask had been locked stillborn in my throat. I didn't want to lose this moment by talking about him…because I knew I already might know the answer. Still, the need to know pushed out all the other feelings and it bubbled out of my lips.

"I have to know…where is Edward?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N

I was so nervous writing this chapter! I didn't want to let anyone down.

But then it just spilled out. Hug after hug after hug.

Except for Jasper. Jasper doesn't hug.


	16. Gone

_The room was dark; pitch black to human eyes but my eyes picked up ever detail. The walls were bashed in and battered. Drywall pieces were torn apart revealing the insulation inside the walls. I could smell the dried blood coming off the floor in tantalizing waves. Distinct nail marks were carved across the walls and ceiling. The remnants of what had once been a chair lay in pieces in a corner of the room. The only piece of furniture still in once piece was a four poster bed against the side wall. A plain white sheet was spread across it; rips along the top exposed the blue mattress beneath. Great chunks of the mantle looked to have been bitten off. _

_It was there on the mattress where I saw him, completely motionless._

….

The others stared at one another, waiting for someone to speak. The stillness was deafening – but I still couldn't understand why the pause. This awkward silence was worse then waiting for the answer I knew was to come: 'he didn't come Bella, he doesn't care'.

But the others remained silent.

"Where's Edward?"

Rosalie inhaled sharply, stepping forward. She hesitantly took my hand in hers and looked me in the eye. "I don't know how to say it exactly…Edward, isn't really Edward anymore."

The others eyes were locked on my confused expression. What did she mean he wasn't himself?

Rosalie let go of my hand and looked pleadingly at Carlisle.

We had stopped at the southern most tip of the mountain. Less than two miles away lay a two story house, embedded in the partial peninsula of the mountain. Picturesque in everyway, it looked like the front of a Christmas card.

"Bella…the day he left you in Forks, he left us all in a way." Carlisle continued slowly. He looked up at the sky, as if trying to get a grip on himself and then looked down at me. His eyes were black. They were empty. "He tried to stay with us for a short while, but he couldn't…handle what he had done. He left us and went off on his own."

He couldn't handle leaving me heartbroken? But…it was his choice? I didn't understand. He didn't want me, he had said so himself.

Jasper sensed my feelings of unworthiness and doubt. His eyes narrowed and looked at Carlisle. "She believed him." He said shortly.

"How could she not?" Esme answered harshly. "He did everything possible to ensure that she did."

"He said he didn't want me…what are you saying? I don't understand…" I trailed off. My mind couldn't form around what they were saying. Believe what? That he didn't love me? Of course I did. Edward wouldn't say that just to be funny, to pull a prank on me. How did they expect me to think otherwise? Alice's eyes were wide and disbelieving. Emmett stood a little farther back, his eyes focused on the ground. They all looked so shocked that I truly believed what he said, but-

"Edward never stopped loving you. He loved you with every word he said that day, and he loves you still." Carlisle finished.

"He...loves me?"

Alice nodded quickly, her eyes wide on my face. "More than anything else, Bella. More than his own life."

He loved me. Edward _loved _me. Even with the small amount of doubt in my heart, I had never truly noticed how those words sounded. They sounded right, natural. The way they were supposed to be.

"Edward loves me," I whispered barely audibly. Saying is aloud made it real. The words flowed perfectly together. Edward loves Bella…

If my heart could beat, it would have burst through my chest.

"But why would he have said all those things? Why lead me to believe he didn't want me if he couldn't live without me?" I asked, desperately. I looked at the others then straight at Carlisle.

He spoke carefully, choosing each word with difficulty. "He wanted you to be human, Bella. He didn't want you to give that up for him. He wanted you to live like you were intended, like we were all supposed to. He felt asking you to love him damned you like he felt damned. He couldn't do that to you."

My breathing was coming in ragged useless gasps.

He wanted me. He wanted me just like I wanted him – forever. I had to see him; I had to hear these words come straight from his mouth.

"Please!" I exploded, making everyone jump. "Please, where is he? I have to find him!"

"Bella," Alice began. "When I first had the vision of you being bit, we called him first thing and he met us in Forks. He looked harder than all of us. For months all did was run and search. He never stopped – not once. He covered all of western Canada and most of the northern. After a year, he began to lose hope. He thought you were trying to hide from him. He didn't think _you _wanted _him_."

I had never thought I truly deserved Edward Cullen. He was too right, too good, too perfect. Next to him, I hated what I saw. I was plain. To hear that he didn't think I could want him sounded so absurd, so backward.

"When we finally met up with him again, he was a shell. All he did was check in with me," Alice continued. "Any vision, anything I saw of you, he had to be there. He wanted regular reports. He became my shadow. Just the thought that you were alive, seeing every move you make…"

"In a small way, it made him happy," Jasper finished. "Because even when he thought that you didn't want to be with him, he could still make sure you were alright. But when he saw…_that…_"Jasper trailed off,

I could see where this was going before they had even mentioned it.

"What finally did it was the vision of you being mauled by the clan of vampires."

Everyone stirred angrily. Jaspers arms were tight across his chest. Emmett balled his fists tightly, glancing at my scarred arm then back at the ground. Esme rocked back on her heels, biting back a dry sob.

"To see what was happening and not be able to do anything…he was helpless. The hurt was too much to bear. He broke. He screamed and went into a fit, like he was being torn apart from the inside. It was killing both of us to see what was happening to you," Alice finished. She crushed her hands to the side of her head and sobbed. Jasper put his hands on hers and encircled her in his arms.

"But what happened? Where is he?!" I demanded.

"He's at the house, Bella. But…he's not really," Carlisle explained, his doctor's polite manner breaking through. "He's completely brain locked. When we brought him here a week ago, he didn't move or say a word. He wouldn't eat. We tried to force him to eat something, but then he lashed out, just trying to crush anything that would touch him. He's not your Edward, Bella."

Before he could turn to put his hand on my shoulder again, I was running. I was at the house in a second, tearing in the front door. There stood three female vampires, staring out the window to where I had been standing with the others. They looked at me sorrowfully.

I picked up a familiar scent, wafting down from the stairs. It seemed like it had been so long since I had smelled it…like from a dream. Lavender and honeysuckle. Edward.

"Bella, it's not safe!' Emmett said, arriving first in the door. "He's not himself. He could hurt you." He reached to hold me back, but I was faster. I was up the stairs and in front of the bedroom door with the scent emanating from behind it. The door was oddly bent, as if something heavy had been repeatedly thrown at it. There was no sound coming from behind, no breathing, no movement – just an unbroken silence.

"No, let her go," Alice said, grabbing Jaspers hand as he started towards the stairs below. "It has to be her. It's always had to be her." Her eyes went blank as she stared straight ahead. Whatever vision she had of what was waiting for me in the room must have put her at ease. She smiled a small grin, knowingly. Jasper had watched her carefully, sensing her ease at the vision she had seen, and he relaxed his stance. He looked up at me and nodded, letting me know that he would help if I needed. A feeling of calm swept past through the room and it made me braver.

Carlisle looked up at me from the stair landing. "We'll be right here, Bella." His eyed were pleading. "Please, bring him back to us."

I nodded solemnly, turning the loose doorknob and entering the dark room to find my Edward.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

**A/N**

**Hmm, so a twist? Did anyone see that coming?**

**I thought Jasper would take on a big brother roll, especially seeing as how Edward and he are very close – hence the protectiveness. **

**Thanks so much for the reviews, I can't tell you how much they mean!**

**BTW, for all the "fun" pm's I've been getting – this is primarily a Bella story! It's her journey; she had to do it by herself, so that's why Edward isn't until the end of the story! **

**Don't' worry kids, he's up next ;-) **


	17. Edward

Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me. He was slumped, his arms resting on his legs. His shirt was off and the small amount of light coming in through the cracked window sent a small array of rainbows onto the wall in front of him. He didn't move or breath, I wasn't even sure he had heard me. His hair hung around his features in messy folds, hiding his face from my view.

But it was him. His scent, his hair, his body…close enough for me to reach out and touch him, feel him. His image in my mind had not done him justice. He was more perfect than I had remembered from my weak human memory, more perfect than anything should ever be…and somehow, this perfect being, this angel, was mine.

I restrained myself from running across the room like I wanted to and walked hesitantly towards him, taking cautious steps, but he didn't look up. He didn't make any indication he even knew I was there.

"Edward," I called softly, standing across from his statue-like position on the bed, his back still to me. "It's me, Edward. It's Bella."

Nothing.

I walked around to the other side of the bed and kneeled in front of him. His head was bowed, his face hidden from me. I hesitated, using small, measured movements, and lifted his chin with my hand.

His eyes were empty, like black, vacant tunnels. I didn't see any life in them…he was like an empty shell. Never, even when his eyes had been black with hunger had his eyes ever looked so….dead. I put my hands on either side of his face and kept his eyes level with mine.

"Edward!" My voice cracked. "Edward! It's me! It's Bella!"

He was so lifeless, so still. For the first time, his hand felt fragile in mine.

I took one of his hands to my face and cupped it across my cheek. "It's me, see? It's really me. Please, Edward, wake up!" I cried. The moments seemed to pass so slow, each second weighing heavier on my panic-stricken heart. What if my Edward was really gone?

Just then his hand twitched under mine and I stopped moving. His hand twitched again. Slowly, his motionless hands moved up to my hair, where he pinched a long weft of hair between his forefingers. He held it lightly, carefully examining it. He sat that way for a several moments, just staring at the hair between his fingers.

"Edward?"

His eyes fell down to my face. He stared blankly; his eyes still held the same dead look. His eyes seemed to look past me, never quite looking at my face.

"It seems so real." He whispered, barely audible for even my ears. He released the hair and stared down at me in horror.

"It is," I answered. "I'm here."

"You look just like her…your hands are the same," He held my hand gently, cradling it before his eyes. "Yes…the same small hands. You even smell a little like her." His voice was flat as he spoke. His hand had moved from my hand to my chin, rotating it left and right as he examined it.

Suddenly his hand dropped from my face and his face broke.

"But you can't be Bella. Bella is dead. She's dead because I couldn't save her…I let her die," He said standing suddenly and was across the room. His hand was in his hair, pulling madly. His hand collided with the wall, leaving a burst of dust and a hole. His face was twisted with the most unimaginable hurt. My insides screamed for me to go to him, to just put an end to that horrible look on his face, just to do what ever it took, but it wasn't right for my Edward to have so much pain.

"Edward…" I whispered. His fast response startled me.

He turned as if suddenly noticing me for the first time, his face contorted with rage.

"What are you?" He growled, stooping down into a defensive crouch. His teeth were bared and his arms were out, ready to attack. His eyes were unrecognizable as he glared at me. I stood motionless, unable to move. I was terrified. Not terrified of the fact he was ready to fly across this room and kill me, I was terrified because he didn't recognize me…he couldn't see through the vampire façade to me - the real me.

"Edward, it's me! It's Bella!" I screamed loudly. Downstairs, I heard the rush of several feet to the stairs, and then halted halfway up.

"What the hell are you?!!" He screamed, locking in the attack position. "Bella is dead! Are you some demon come to torture me? Come to take the rest of my sanity? Take it, whatever you want, it's yours. I don't CARE anymore!! I don't want to live! My Bella is gone!! What more _CAN _you take?!!" He was screaming loudly, his voice echoing loudly off the high ceiling room, his pain piercing my heart. He was twitching violently, as if any second he was going to fly across the room and tear me to pieces. I didn't care, I'd take it; anything to just have his hands on me again. I wanted his touch, I craved it. He had backed into the corner now, still vibrating and growling maniacally.

Without thinking, without worrying that he was ready to potentially kill me the second I did, I ran to him.

I threw his arms around him and I sobbed. "Edward! Please! Edward, it's me!" I reached up as fast as I could my hand finding his cheek. His teeth were still bared, his eyes staring down at me wildly. I pulled his face down to mine; I kissed the side of his mouth, and his cheek, before kissing him full on the mouth.

Even knowing I was still in danger, more over that I was in danger by the person I loved, I felt whole. I felt right. Feeling him in my arms, my mouth on his, this is what I had been missing to complete my broken, useless heart. The hole in my chest was gone; the tightness which had constricted around me was freed. This was where I was one piece. This is where I truly, irrevocably belonged.

I felt his hands fall to his sides and he started to fall back. I lifted him to the bed, where he fell onto his back. I lay next to him, my hand still on his cheek, still kissing his face. Wherever I could find a place to land my lips, I did.

Suddenly, his hand came up to my face. I froze again, pulling back and staring into his eyes.

He was there; I could see it, right there in his eyes. There was a light in the depths of his black eyes. His expression was incredulous, still frozen staring fixedly on my face.

His chest was racked with tight silent sobs, his face incredulous. His thumbs circled my face, brushing under my eyes and down my cheek. He pushed my hair away out of my face, and I leaned into his touch, craving more.. His fingers ran down my neck where they stopped on Laurent's scar. He circled the scar lightly with his finger tips for what seemed like an hour – or perhaps it was only a second. Time didn't mean anything; nothing did, except that fact that I had Edward here in my arms.

His eyes were back to mine, and they finally understood.

"Bella," He breathed, bringing both hands to my face. He pulled me on top of him and put his forehead to mine. "Bella, I thought I had lost you…I saw it all happen, I saw it. I couldn't do anything. Bella, my Bella." He wrapped both arms around me and hugged me tighter than he had ever held me before. Our bodies were contoured tightly to each other, like a perfect puzzle piece. His arms moved across my back, pulling me in as tight as possible, and yet not tight enough.

He stopped abruptly and flipped me over so he was suddenly on top of me; one arm supporting his weight, the other cupped my face. His eyes were panicked as looking in my eyes.

"Bella, that day, when I left - how could you believe anything I said? After each time I had told you I loved you, each time I swore my love – and you still believed every word I said. Why didn't you demand I stay? Or demand I explain myself? But when you believed me…with just one word…it was almost unbearable." His lips found mine over and over again. "I wanted to keep you safe…I didn't know that my leaving would leave you in the worst kind of danger…I condemned you. I could have protected you. But Bella, I was wrong, I can't live without you. You are my life…no, more. You are my everything. You are essential to me, in every meaning of the word. You are essential for my happiness; my very existence. I can't survive in this world without your touch, you laughter, your voice."

His hands memorized my face and I melted into each touch. Forgotten feelings and emotions were mixed with this incredible happiness. I was suddenly aware of his body pressing into mine, his feverish heated kisses on my lips and face. I had forgotten this lust…this need. I didn't speak, or maybe I couldn't. His voice was music in the air, each touch of his hand was electrifying – like a current. My chest was full to bursting - there was no better high than this.

His hand stopped on my arm as he felt the disfigured scars under his finger tips. He pulled his lips from mine, his expression breaking again and the torture in his eyes was apparent. The bliss I had felt was gone. He pulled away like he had been shocked, and my heart broke. "Bella, I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have let you go. Everything that's happened to you, everything you've been through – it's because of me." The same empty eyes flashed as he continued to talk. "How can you even stand to look at me, even stand to touch me knowing what I've done to you?"

He sat up off of me suddenly and tried to stand, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Edward," I said, staring straight into his eyes, my hands on his face. "Every step, every breath – each and everyday, everything I did was to find a way back to you. This is the only place where I am meant to be." I could see the light returning to his eyes, his breathing was ragged and heavy as he listened. "That's what neither of us seems to understand, until now that is – we were made to love each other. Without you, I existed but I didn't live. I searched and traveled, looking for something to make me real; make me feel alive, not knowing that my reason was right here with you. You are _my_ everything Edward. My now, and my always."

Edward's eyes were locked with mine, unmoving. He seemed to be taking in everything I said, absorbing it. A slow smile broke across his face that made my chest burst. He put his forehead against mine and lifted his hands to my face, caressing it with his fingers.

His hand moved down to my sleeve which was still rolled up, showing the horrible scars. He pulled my arm up, his face incomprehensible. He lifted my arm to his lips and kissed the length of my arm, covering all of the healed wounds. I slipped out of his grasp and put my arm around him, pulling him tightly to me. He smiled, melting into my touch and falling closer into the mattress next to me.

"I love you, Bella Swan."

I pulled his face closer to mine, speaking softly against his velvet lips.

"I love you, Edward Cullen."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**A/N**

**Edward is back! **

**Hope everyone enjoys it, I must have rewritten this chapter 2 or 3 times. **

**I love love love all of the reviews, I love each of you! **


	18. Home

The sun light that fell through the forest's sparse cover sent sparkles off my pale skin. It was warm, to me at least. The leaves had finally started to cover the trees bare branches, and the familiar spring smell of Anne's house made me think of her. Summer was coming soon, the air felt thicker, more moist. The lane beneath my bare feet was slightly damp. The lilies had started to grow in thick tufts along the road, their heads just budding on the top of their long stems. They would bloom soon, and the road to Anne's house would be even more beautiful.

I held Anne's cross through my sweater. After her death when I had first left her house – my house, it had felt like a tomb; nothing but hollow spaces and rooms that had once held laughter. I had hoped one day I could return and not feel that sadness. I had not been gone long, but I had returned an entirely different person. The memories now made me smile, remembering the years I had spent with Anne. The rooms once again held laughter and love.

I could see my family clearly as I neared the house. Emmett and Rosalie were in the garage. They were laughing; Emmett leaned in and kissed Rosalie sweetly on the cheek. Alice, Carlisle, Jasper and Esme were all on the front porch. Jasper was lounging in one of the wooden chairs, Alice sitting daintily on his lap, her arms around his neck. Esme was planting one of the several lily plants she had plucked from down the road, Carlisle sitting on the steps, smiling and laughing with the rest of them.

I put my hands in the pockets of my jeans, walking leisurely as I neared the house. I smiled, as I heard him run up from behind the house. Edward was beside me in a second, the sun sparkling on his skin. He pulled me into the open sunlight, smiling as it hit my skin. He touched my cheek, and kissed me softly on the lips, and I closed my eyes. I could spend forever like this. I _would_ spend forever like this.

He stepped behind me and pulled me into his chest, his chin on my shoulder. He held me tightly as we watched our family.

Alice saw us standing at the opening of the driveway and waved enthusiastically. Esme and Carlisle turned their heads and smiled, standing as they slowly walked to where we were watching the rest of them, as if they had all been waiting for me.

"Let's get something to eat!" Emmett boomed, holding Rosalie's hand and walking toward the rest of us.

"I say take-out," Alice chirped happily, winking at me. I smiled at her, grasping her hand and squeezing tightly.

"Chinese food, definitely," I said, making a face. They laughed and started to head towards the back woods. Edward and I stayed behind for a moment, watching the twilight start to fall on over the house.

He squeezed me tightly and put his lips to my ear. "Welcome home, Bella."

I turned in his arms, and looking into his eyes, smiling and stroking his pale cheek with my hand.

I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips softly to his neck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

**A/N**

**And they lived happily ever after, the end!**

**Yay, it's done. I'm really, really happy with the way this turned out. Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Love!**


	19. Author's Note

I've been doing a lot of updating to this story, with new sections in chapters and just an overall revamping (no pun intended). I just wanted to make sure everyone had a good look at the new and improved story!

I have a new story in the works. It's a Twilight and Ella Enchanted crossover – Ella Enchanted! Make sure to take a look.

Happy Reading!


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